Cower in fear, Banter-ites, for the prophesied plague of a Ted Cruz presidential campaign is upon us. But in between the weeping and gnashing of teeth, we found the time to write an entire site's worth of content for you - content that may one day catalog these dark times for future generations.
Here's the week that was, at The Daily Banter.
MEMBERS ONLY: On the Fifth Anniversary of Obamacare, Here are Ted Cruz’s 11 Biggest Obamacare Lies
From claiming that it cost twice as much money as it actually did to claiming Obamacare repeal is supported by a "strong bipartisan majority," Bob Cesca tackles Ted Cruz's 11 most outrageous lies about the Affordable Care Act. That little rascal!
Blatant dishonesty is par for the course with someone like Cruz, but some of these are real ball-busters. For example, did you know that not having any insurance is better than having Obamacare?
White House Pressing Netanyahu For Peace, Preparing For None
Banter's White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher asks Press Secretary Josh Earnest what Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu can do to restore the Obama administration's confidence that he can be a reliable partner in the peace process. Read Earnest's slightly opaque, but definitely enlightening response.
Deadline Wonders If “Ethnic Casting” Trend Is Such a Good Idea in Article That Was a Very Bad Idea
Chez Pazienza knows a thing or two about casting. He's also pretty critical of people who play the proverbial race card. So when he's among the people telling you a recent Deadline scoop pondering whether this year's surge in "ethnic castings" is "too much of a good thing" is both ignorant and borderline racist, you might want to sit down and listen:
"... the arrogant expression of the very dynamic non-whites have complained about for years — that Hollywood is a white industry and any intrusion into it by them will be seen mostly as a trend or a privilege granted by the white power structure — is so unbelievably fucking tone deaf."
Ted Cruz’s Plan To Abolish the IRS Isn’t Stupid, It’s Plain Evil
Ted Cruz has "already injected a very nasty little virus into the right-wing primary process: the ridiculous idea that the IRS should be abolished." But while most pundits are gleefully pointing out how stupid and short-sighted IRS abolition would really be, I argue that it's actually a political goal and rhetorical flourish that makes perfect sense from the Texas senator's perspective.
After all, if you're fundamentally opposed to the very popular idea of progressive taxation, how else would you get what you want?
Pope Francis Did Something Really Creepy That Was Deemed a ‘Miracle’
I'm as guilty as the next reporter of occasionally giving Cool Pope Francis a possibly undeserved high five for being the progressive face of a regressive institution. But Banter's Mike Luciano calls out the pontiff for doing something pretty genuinely gross -- liquefying congealed blood, which has been stored in an ampule since (allegedly) the fourth century. There's a scientific explanation for it, but mainly this is a strange and morbid display that should remind you that the pope still does some pretty weird things and holds some anachronistic viewpoints.
Hack Smear-Merchant Chuck Johnson Alleges John Boehner Told a Racist Joke
I'm generally loathe to side with escaped Oompa Loompa foreman and House Majority Leader John Boehner on anything, but Bob Cesca lays out why you should be skeptical of noted "journalist" Chuck C. Johnson's latest video alleging Boehner made a racist joke about March Madness. In addition to providing no supporting evidence, Chuck insists that Boehner was drunk. Bob puts the skeptical eye on this supposed story it deserves.
Soup To Nuts: Bone Broth Is Your Official Silly Food Fad of 2015
Chez writes a delightful primer on 2015's dumbest looming food fad -- soaking bones in hot water and selling it to slack-jawed rubes for $8.50 a swill. From claims about its health benefits that border on anti-vax levels of quackery to the notion that broth is an amino-acid-laden "superfood" that will supercharge your day, Chez tackles the silly notions being trafficked about this dumb craze. Hopefully this shot between the eyes will put down this Frankenstein's health food monster before it has a chance to stumble off and rip off some villagers, but rest assured that we'll be waiting with pitchforks if it does.
Dick Cheney’s Savage Gaslighting Of America
You're probably familiar with gaslighting, a form of horrible abuse intended to convince the abused that they are slowly losing their grip on reality. Mike applies this concept to Dick Cheney's continued attempts to convince the American public that the Bush administration was right all along about Iraq and Syria, and finds that, well, yeah. he's trying to gaslight us:
Once again our abusive ex-vice president, Dick Cheney has offered his insights on the supposedly lugubrious state of our country under President Obama. And once again, they bear no relation to reality. More than this, they are a shameless attempt to impart on Americans his warped version of events over the last 14 years. This is hardly surprising, of course. The Bushies always had a preternatural aversion to truth, which for eight years they viewed as the most malleable of substances, like putty to be contorted to fit wherever they needed it.