During Tuesday's 1 p.m. time slot, MSNBC's Ronan Farrow Daily continued to struggle by racking up a mere 11,000 viewers in the 25-54 demographic, which was bad enough for the all-time ratings low in the show's one year of existence. In fact, MSNBC hasn't seen ratings that awful at 1 p.m. since 2005. As our resident former television producer informed me, "Infomercials get 11,000 viewers in Los Angeles. At 5am"
The troubles of Daily naturally bring to the fore the question that's been on everyone's mind: Could Smoking Duck (pictured above, smoking) get more viewers than Ronan Farrow?
We here at The Daily Banter don't condone smoking or doing drugs of any kind. But there's just something cool about having a cigarette in your hand, mouth, or beak. And lord knows that MSNBC's 1 p.m. hour -- occupied by a former Rhodes Scholar and all-around nerd -- could use a hearty dose of cool. Like this:
Mother of god. Smoking Duck has so much swank I can't handle it. Seriously, can you even tell the difference between him and whoever that stud is smoking on the right? Or is that, Smoking Duck on the right?
Anyway, it's clear Smoking Duck has the intangibles necessary to be a news host, but how does he stack up against Farrow's performance?
Unlike Ronan Farrow, Smoking Duck lacks the capacity to participate in the English language, which is typically a must-have on American cable news. However, this inability is actually sneakily advantageous for Smoking Duck because he would be unable to make really awkward comments with racial undertones to black guests:
"This is the problem: All of the good ones don’t want to go into politics. Malik Bryant, I so appreciate you taking time to join us... And that's a fine suit, sir."
Lacking English skills, Smoking Duck would also be unable to introduce his guests to the audience, but again, this limitation is a hidden source of strength. In not being able to introduce people, the audience will never know when Smoking Duck has forgotten who his next guest is, unlike Ronan Farrow:
"I want to bring in Sarah and Jared. Sarah is, uh — would you — I’m sorry, Sarah, do you want to introduce yourself to the audience?"
Finally, since Smoking Duck's mother is dead, she wouldn't be able to inadvertently shame Smoking Duck for not having shown the controversial Charlie Hebdo cartoons on his show, like Mia Farrow did to Ronan on twitter:
Awkward indeed. And for those of you who are wondering, Smoking Duck's mother died two years ago after a long battle with alcoholism.
Here she is just a week before succumbing to cirrhosis:
But even if Smoking Duck's mother were alive, this shaming wouldn't have occurred because Smoking Duck believes in the free and unfettered exchange of quacks, regardless who might be offended. In the following clip, Smoking Duck takes a break from a smoking break to expound on his views:
Duck to English translation: "The peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error."
Words so articulate, John Stuart Duck couldn't have said it better himself. This is the kind of eloquence that Smoking Duck would bring to MSNBC's newest show, Smoking Duck Daily.
And smoking. Lots and lots of smoking.
Photo credits: MSNBC, Smoking Duck's wife