From Mike Huckabee's fever dreams of a secular America to the Lovecraftian gibberish spewing forth from the Iowa Freedom Summit, the final week of January confirmed that American politics in 2015 will be just as twisted and deluded as they were in 2014. In fact, they might even be getting worse.
Here's the week that was, at Banter.
Conservative Smear-Merchant Chuck C. Johnson Continues to Destroy Journalism, Target Rape Victims
This post about noted "journalist" and possible pants-shitter Chuck C. Johnson irritated enough for him to pester us into updating his photo to a more accurate version. Bob Cesca tackles Johnson's latest screw-up: claiming black New York Times columnist Charles M. Blow made up a whole story about his son being confronted with armed police based on a minor factual error that Blow himself had corrected. Gripping stuff.
Now We Can See How Homophobic, Racist and Misogynist “Friends” Really Was
Guest writer and Sam Doloncot pops in to remind us that our beloved Friends is horrifically offensive and degrading to everyone, especially that time Chandler and Joey executed a Taliban POW in their Secret Friend Room. Super problematic.
The New ‘Ghostbusters’ Has An All-Female Cast and You Will Deal With It
Jamie Frevele would like to remind you amateur casting experts to shut the hell up about the all-female Ghostbusters reboot being put together by Paul Feig, because A) it doesn't exist yet and B) even if it did, your opinion is worthless. In the meantime, you should put your Melissa McCarthy hate and Victoria-era attitudes about which gender is responsible for ghost-hunting under a rug and stomp on it. Suck it, duders.
Good Christian Sarah Palin Poses With ‘Fuc_ You Michael Moore’ Crosshairs Sign
Sarah Palin is a good Christian. Such a good Christian, in fact, that she had no qualms whatsoever about posing in front of a sign that said "fuck you Michael Moore" with a little crosshair holy Christian cross on it at the annual SHOT Show, Praise Be to Him.
As Tommy Christopher points out, this isn't the first time Palin has posed with constituents seemingly threatening violence towards liberals: "Palin also used crosshairs to represent the Arizona district of then-Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (D-Ariz.) despite Giffords’ own objections at the time, a few months before she was shot in the head." Yikes.
Ted Nugent Still Thinks Obama is a “Subhuman Mongrel”
Not content to let the grinding mass of rusted gears turning inside Palin's skull get all the attention, Ted Mongrel also used the SHOT Show as an opportune time to call Holocaust victims "sheeple" and President Obama a "sub-human mongrel." Three times. During his non-apology for calling President Obama a sub-human mongrel in the first place. Bob braves the crazy here.
Your Handy Guide to the Most Epic Sarah Palin Speech Ever
In between her busy schedule of issuing death threats to various Hollywood elites, Palin also found the time to swing by the Iowa Freedom Summit last week. There, she issued a speech riddled with grammatical errors, poorly-conceived analogies and many muddled ideas. No exaggeration, this may be the strangest Sarah Palin rant of all time. Some of the sentences don't even appear to be coherent thought.
Bob's 14-point breakdown speculates that by the end, "remnants of Palin’s diseased cerebrum had probably liquefied and settled in her brain-pan like a shallow puddle of Cream of Mushroom soup."
Let’s Not Forget That Ally King Abdullah Was a Very Bad Person
Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah died at the age of 90 last week. This is probably actually a good thing, Mike Luciano writes, because Abdullah was actually a casually brutal tyrant who oversaw one of the Middle East's most brutal autocracies, replete with repression and acts of state terror. From the lingering myth that the ponderous Abdullah was somehow a reformer to human rights abuses ranging from mass executions to putting down rebellions in neighboring Bahrain with Saudi troops, Mike would like you to remember that Abdullah was a monster and his legacy a bloody lie.