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Louie Gohmert for House Speaker Because Comedy

Of course he'll never get there but, you know, dare to dream. While it's fun to have a speaker who's a weepy drunk, what we need is Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
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I'm deadly serious about this. Contrary to popular opinion dictating that fringe political weirdos and radicals should be ignored until they somehow magically vanish (they don't), I've always believed that the more they're exposed as the weirdos and radicals they are, the faster they'll be ejector-seated off the national bus. So, along those lines, the best thing to ever happen to the universe would be if Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) were to succeed in his mission to be elected Speaker of the House.

If you're a Democrat and you want there to be more Democrats in Congress, you too should endorse the idea of this talking honeydew melon -- this marble-mouthed gomer to ascend to the highest congressional post in the land where the entire nation will get a close-up view of his lobotomized gibberish. Of course he'll never get there but, you know, dare to dream. While it's fun to have a speaker who's a weepy drunk, what we need is Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel. We need a Republican who's been repeatedly kicked in the skull by a mule. On purpose.

Why Gohmert? For the comedy, obviously. The nation deserves to laugh at crap like this:

"We need to start eliminating money for any agency, including the White House, that is not following the law. And then you get their attention. That’s what the Founders anticipated."

Yes, a sitting member of Congress clearly doesn't realize that any spending bill passed by Congress, including the de-funding of the White House, would have to be signed by the president before actually becoming a law. And no, the Founders didn't anticipate the House passing legislation that automatically becomes law.

Or this:

“On January 1st, when millions of Americans will likely lose their employers’ contribution to their health insurance, I will refuse to receive that same subsidy. It also means I will have to pay a substantial penalty or ‘tax,’ but I cannot in good conscience accept the subsidy when so many Americans have lost their insurance altogether because of ObamaCare.”

Yes, Gohmert refused to sign up for health insurance because the government covers 75 percent of the monthly "Obamacare" coverage premium for government workers, including Congress, not realizing that the government has always done this -- with or without Obamacare. He also clearly doesn't realize that he's not obligated to buy insurance through the Obamacare marketplaces. Instead, he can simply go to his favorite health insurance company and buy coverage directly. Doy. So, he's uninsured, which means he'll need to pay out of pocket whenever he accidentally chokes on board game tokens.

Or this:

“There is nobody in this chamber who is more appreciative than I am for the gentleman from Tennessee and my friend from Michigan standing up for the rights of race, religion, national religion of the Delta Smelt, the snail darter, various lizards, the lesser prairie chicken, the greater sage grouse and so many other insects who would want someone standing for their religion, their race, their national origin and I think that’s wonderful.”

I have no idea what any of that means, and I think "lesser prairie chicken" is made up.

Speaking of wildlife, there's also this:

“Maybe we need to see if that’s really true and if so, maybe get Kmart signs, see if they ought to be declared endangered and maybe have a Kmart sign forest, where these little owls could mate like crazy out there on the Kmart signs.”

A Kmart sign forest. Seriously, has anyone checked to make sure Gohmert isn't huffing paint? Speaking of which, this:

“But it was to be a one-way wall, where the state would not dictate to the church. But the church would certainly play a role in the state.”

I'm no physicist, but how the hell can there be such a thing as a "one way wall?"

Or this classic moment in congressional history:

"But [Attorney General Eric Holder] failed to answer my questions about what was asked, and he cast aspersions on my asparagus."

Yes, exactly -- huh?

Crap like this can no longer be reserved for those of us who osmotically absorb politics like a drug, it deserves to go mainstream and the only way that'll happen is if Gohmert is elected speaker. I say Gohmert is ready for prime time. Who's with me? Gohmert Fever! Catch It!