As part of an ongoing series, The Daily Banter will be publishing an ongoing roundup of all the great content our team is writing for you each week. For now at least, I'll be your guide through the Best of the Banter - a solid combo of commentary, humor, and call-outs with none of that trendy viral bullshit.
Here's all the best articles Banter's virtuous, hard-working staff has slaved over a hot keyboard to write (or stole at knife-point from feeble, sweater-wearing Brooklyn hipsters) for you this week. Here we go:
What is The Daily Banter? Part 1: Humble Beginnings
Your beloved editor Ben Cohen walks you through the initial history of the venerable Banter, including back when it wanted to be "a real power in the blogosphere":
You guys, we've come so far! Read our humble origin story here, so you can brag about reading us before we were cool while we're all snorting coke off of IPO paperwork.
Barbara Walters’s ‘Most Fascinating’ Special Raises a Big Middle Finger to Feminism
In this piece on Barbara Walters' annual Most Fascinating People list, Banter's own Jamie Frevele calls out Babs for being basic. Walters delivered an amazingly sexist interview with Amal Clooney, who happens to be married to Batman (the one with rubber nipples). Somehow Walters managed to neglect to cover any of her guest's amazing achievements, just like the time she "asked Katharine Hepburn what kind of tree she thought she was." Find out whether Babs really can do better here.
MEMBERS ONLY: The U.S./Cuba Thaw Marks the End of Cuban Exile Hardliners’ Political Power
Down in sunny Florida, right-wingers in the Cuban expat community in Miami have helped the Republican Party wield control of the state government since the 1960s. The same political alliance that pushed the Bay of Pigs invasion is still alive and well down in the Sunshine State, though slowly being driven out by a newer generation that's more liberal than ever.
Chez Pazienza knows firsthand how nasty these intergenerational battles can be, because he grew up there and knows how Miami is "batshit insane." President Obama's recent decision to normalize relations with Cuba is sure to make the screaming matches there worse. "The political power wielded so effortlessly and sometimes vindictively by Miami’s Cuban-American voters could be waning," Chez writes, but "those in positions of power who’ve derived much of their political authority from an intransigent stand against the Castro regime" aren't going to give up without a fight. Read more here.
Jeb Bush’s 6 Greatest Gaffes
If you only read one thing about a Bush this week, this should be it. Tommy Christopher explains that while Jeb might be a little less gaffe-prone than his big brother Dubya, he still has a little pinch of the family magic. Find out what happens when Jeb Bush's vague position on immigration collides with racist GOP base voters.
(For even more fun, Mike Luciano gives you the story behind the time Jeb Bush passionately argued to let loose a mass-murdering terrorist loose on American soil.)
Here’s the Kim Jong-un Assassination Scene from “The Interview” That May Have Brought Sony To Its Knees
Come on. You know you want to see what happens to the rest of Kim's face.
CNN Asks Twitter To #AskACop and It Backfired Spectacularly
Shameless self-promotion! CNN is a glorious clusterfuck, but this little number makes gaffes like the network's argument about whether Flight 370 was taken by aliens look like two brain scientists playing chess in a moon rocket. What would you ask a cop? Twitter asked a bunch of very funny and incredibly hostile things, like "I have a math question: if one Black man has zero guns, zero knives and 2 hands, how many bullets does it take to disarm him?"
Perpetually Wrong Pretend Journalist and Douchebag Chuck Johnson Is an Unkillable Product of Our Internet Age
Here's a fun fact: a remarkably intensive investigation by Gawker found that noted journalist and rape-victim-harasser Chuck C. Johnson probably shit on the floor in college. Chez has a rundown of just how and why this disgusting person managed to weasel his way back into the public eye here.
The 11 Most Psychotic Things Dick Cheney Said About Torture on Meet the Press
Is the former vice president human, or some form of ancient lich raised howling from the darkest corners of the aether? I don't claim to have any of the answers, but I'm pretty sure you can notice Cheney's eyes begin to bleed while giving these psychotic justifications for the CIA's torture program.
P.S., I hear if you say "Dick Cheney" three times into mirror in a dark room, an Egyptian military intelligence officer in a black hood will appear and force hummus into your rectum. It's true. Bob Novak told me so from beyond the grave.
Tune in next week for the next Best of the Banter.