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Yesterday, Drew Magary published an entertaining little screed over at Deadspin that tore into the internet's ever-expanding professional grievance industry. He pegged it off of a series of breathtakingly douchey tweets he found that had attempted to dissect Adult Swim's hallucinatory viral sensation Too Many Cooks. The tweeter in question decided that while the 11-minute clip was "clever," it had unfortunately failed somewhat because "70s/80s sitcom was a deeply conservative form that used The American Family to reinforce broadly acceptable norms & stereotypes" and the gag tried to "make the implicit explicit."
If that makes you brain hurt, Magary is right there with you.
Now 90 percent of all internet thinkpieces are dedicated to explaining why you should have a problem with something you originally had no problem with. OPEN YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE. Don't you see that keyboard cat is a way of enforcing traditional heteronormative privilege in America today? The cat is wearing a house robe, which means that it he/she is clearly being forced into a domesticated, subservient role against his/her free will. NOT FUNNY. NOT ON MY WATCH. There's a whole black hole of the internet that spends all day up its own ass, endlessly worried about approving of pop culture rather than actually fucking enjoying it.
As if to prove Magary's overall point about every triviality now becoming a cause to fight over in our social media culture, today Allison P. Davis over at New York online published what I swear is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on the internet -- and I read a lot of Salon. Apparently at a recent Q&A session, someone asked Facebook junta leader and guy-who-can-buy-your-family-and-shoot-them-for-sport Mark Zuckerberg why he seems to wear nothing but ill-fitting grey t-shirts. He answered, "I’m in this really lucky position where I get to wake up every day and help serve more than a billion people. And I’d feel I’m not doing my job if I spent any of my energy on things that are silly or frivolous about my life."
Now if that sounds completely innocuous to you, congratulations, you're not one sharp object away from a 72-hour psychiatric hold at Bellevue -- and you're not Allison P. Davis.
If you were Allison P. Davis, this is how you would've interpreted Zuckerberg's statement:
Burn, Zuckerberg! Is it just me or does the mindset of the Silicon Valley Power-Schlub imply that caring about clothing or how you look invalidates your ability to work? Of course, male CEOs are far too focused on changing the world or building the next Big App to care about something as “silly” or “frivolous” as dressing professionally — they’ll just leave that to Marissa Mayer.
Also, you would've written that statement in a post entitled "Zuckerberg Explains His Gray T-Shirts, Sounds Pretty Sexist." Again, you would've done these things were you Allison P. Davis of New York online and were you completely insane.
I'd send this in the direction of Drew Magary but judging by his piece yesterday I think he might throw a laptop at me.
RELATED: Since I brought up Salon, there's this.