Louie Gohmert Believes Our Troops Can't Fight Because of Alleged Greek-Style Gay Massages

Gohmert thinks that because it happened in, you know, 334 B.C., it must be happening now.

Appearing on a right-wing radio talk show this week, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) discussed his views on Don't Ask Don't Tell and gays in the military, even though it's a settled non-issue. His rationale this time? LGBT soldiers receive same-sex rub-downs all day long, just like the ancient Greeks, and therefore they're incapable of fighting.

Not making this up. Watch the talking melon:

I've had people say, "Hey, you know, there's nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks." Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it's a different kind of fighting, it's a different kind of war and if you're sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into the big, planned battle, then you're not going to last very long. It's guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and, you know, if that’s what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did, as people have said, "Louie, you have got to understand, you don't even know your history." Oh, yes, I do. I know exactly. It's not a good idea.

I've never served, but based on what service men and women have told me, there aren't any gay massages in any of the various branches of the U.S. military. But Gohmert thinks that because it happened in, you know, 334 B.C., it must be happening now. And if it is, in fact, happening now, is Gohmert suggesting that our soldiers are somehow lesser-than because of it? I wonder if he'd dare to make this case in front of an audience of actual soldiers. "Sorry, troops, but -- hmmmduuuhhh -- your Greek-style gay massages are making you weak and ill-prepared for battle. Duh-yuck!"

Just a friendly reminder: Gohmert is one of 535 elite Americans who gets to write and vote upon laws that govern the United States. All of it. If anyone is weak and ill-prepared to perform a particular duty, it's Gohmert and the morons who vote for him every two years.