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What a Postgame Interview With An Atheist Football Player Would Look Like

Thank god for making the game-winning play? No thanks!

If you've watched a lot of football, you've seen a fair number of postgame interviews where some sideline reporter asks an athlete who made a game-winning play mindless questions that every hairy-armed couch potato with blue cheese stains on his shirt by knows by heart. "What was going through your mind on that play? How good was [insert teammate's name here] today? Would you say this gives you momentum going into next week?" The answers are as rote as the questions, but sometimes players like to go off script and go into scripture by praising Jesus for intervening in various games, as if he'd chosen a side because the other team hadn't prayed hard enough, or maybe because Jesus had a monster parlay going that afternoon.

But what might a postgame interview with an outspoken atheist player look like? Thanks to College Humor, we don't have to wonder:

"More than anything, I owe this victory to the miracle of Evolution."

As weird as the idea of a player thanking the fact of Evolution is, if you're an atheist it's actually less weird than thanking nonexistent entities. Sure it's nerdy, but at least it's reality-based.

Still, my favorite god-related postgame reaction of all time remains the response that then-Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson had when he dropped what would've been a game winning touchdown against the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2010:


Finally, here was a guy who was fully willing to blame god for the bad stuff instead of just praising him for the good. I only regret that George Carlin hadn't been around to see it:

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