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FOXTOBERFEST Of Stupid: Gretchen Carlson (4) vs. Laura Ingraham (5)

When Fox blondes attack!

Game six of the FOXTOBERFEST Of Stupid features a pair of impressive résumés. Gretchen Carlson is a Stanford University graduate who won the 1989 Miss America pageant in part by playing Zigeunerweisenon violin in the talent portion of the competition. She once called Ted Kennedy "a hostile enemy right here on the home front." Laura Ingraham is a Dartmouth College and University of Virginia Law School graduate who needed to have a gay brother in order not to be a rabid homophobe, but she still doesn't support gay marriage. She was also once engaged to criminal mastermind Dinesh D'Souza.

Carlson's entry is a classic hymn of the rueful patriot who resents any attempt to cast the U.S. as anything but the bestest, most perfectest country in the whole wide world. Here she is reacting to a walkout protest by students in Jefferson Country, Colo. who didn't take kindly to their school board skewing the curriculum in a more conservative direction:

(The Real Story [LOLz!], September 25, 2014)

The last time I checked, we were still living in the United States of America, where we have a national anthem and an American flag. Are they the next things to be controversial and talked about being thrown out? How could being patriotic or learning about patriotism be a negative? And what does it say about our young people in this country, and the teachers joining the protest, that promoting patriotism is now a negative. Ironically, the new curriculum being proposed is all about promoting individual rights like protesting. The new curriculum would also teach a free-market system like the one we already have. It would also encourage that there be no disregard for the law. Isn’t that why we have laws on the books? Or have we come to the point where breaking the law is now an admirable choice?Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for freedom of speech and the ability to gather and state your claim. But, quite frankly, if you don’t like it here, and you have a problem with promoting the basic freedoms that men and women have died for — protesting for the rest of us and protecting us — then get out.

You hear that, early 20th century labor movement? If you don't like your hazardous working conditions, "get out." You hear that, suffragettes? If you don't like that you can't vote, "get out." You hear that, Freedom Riders? If you don't like segregation, "get out." You hear that, every protester and practitioner of civil disobedience? If you don't like whatever it is you don't like about America, "get out."

Yes, there's a healthy fucking social philosophy. Nothing bad ever came from allowing the authority to go unchallenged, and deference to it is the best possible thing to aspire to. For everyone.

Karlson, heil!

Quite the opening round salvo for Gretchen. What's Ingraham got here? Ah, it's a hypothesis on why Obama is lashing out at Fox News:

(The O'Reilly Factor, October 2, 2014)

"Well, Bill, liberalism -- Obama-style -- is failing miserably. Ok? We're a weaker country -- big article today comes out, Washington Post, the middle class is doing worse than it did in 1989, ok? Liberalism -- Obama-style -- is failing, so it's Fox's fault, it's talk radio's fault, it's Laura Ingraham's fault. She's being mean to Obama. This is the classic Alinsky-ite tactic he always employs."

Weaker country! Liberalism! Alinsky!

About that claim that the middle class is worse of than it was 25 years ago -- Ingraham is technically correct, but remember that whole Great Recession thing? Here's what else The Washington Postsaid:

"It's been slow and steady, but the recovery has chugged along enough to get us back to something close to normal. The economy has surpassed its pre-crisis peak, unemployment is at a six-year low, and stocks have more than tripled from their 2009 low. It's not the best of times, but it's certainly not the worst -- which was a very real possibility after Lehman Brothers' bankruptcy threatened to send us into a second Great Depression."

After the worst economic crisis in eight decades, you don't just pick up your economy after it's been run over by eight years of the Bush Pony Express and proceed as if nothing happened.

Ignoring the Great Recession? Check.

Saul Alisnky reference? Check.

Pretending Fox News has treated about in a fair and balanced way? Check and check.

Carlson's dangerous authoritarianism looked like a surefire winner, but Ingraham has pulled off the upset.


Game 1: Sarah Palin vs. Charles Krauthammer

Game 2: Mike Huckabee vs. Lauren Green

Game 3: Ben Carson vs. Geraldo Rivera

Game 4: Kimberly Guilfoyle vs. Lou Dobbs

Game 6: Steve Doocy vs. Greta Van Susteren