Not too long ago, progressive bloggers and activists gathered for the annual Netroots Nation convention and the premiere speaker at this year's event was Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), an early left-wing favorite in the forthcoming 2016 presidential contest. In her speech, Warren listed 11 "commandments" or tenets of progressivism -- 11 positions progressives ought to defend. This list included:
"We believe in science, and that means that we have a responsibility to protect this Earth."
"We believe that equal means equal, and that's true in marriage, it's true in the workplace, it's true in all of America."
"And we believe that corporations are not people, that women have a right to their bodies. We will overturn Hobby Lobby and we will fight for it. We will fight for it!"
It was a decent address, mainly because it was nice to see the left standing for something that doesn't involve "Standing with Rand." Nevertheless, as one of the first videos for her newly launched "Sarah Palin Channel," the former GOP vice presidential nominee decided to post a response to Warren -- and a timely one, too, considering that Warren's address was nearly a month ago. Evidently the $10-per-month subscriber fee for Palin's "channel" doesn't guarantee freshness. So Palin delivered 11 "common sense conservative" tenets, pivoting off each of Warren's progressive items.
Let's dive in. Sarah Palin's video response to Warren's 11 progressive commandments...
1) Words are tough. Before her responses even began, Palin referred to Warren's "tenets" as Warren's "tenants." I'm not sure if Warren owns rental properties, but her list had nothing to do with any would-be "tenants."
2) Tyrants on the internets. In response to Warren's position in support of net neutrality, Palin said she doesn't want the internet to be censored by "the world's tyrants." Then she blamed President Obama for handing over domain names to "authoritarian regimes like Russia and China." This is a lie. Obama did no such thing. When the Internet Corporate for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) was subcontracted to handle IP addresses in 1998, the intention was to eventually relinquish that function to the international community, and ICANN's contract is due to expire in 2015. Furthermore, the U.S. has never unilaterally "controlled" the internet in the first place. Oh, almost forgot. In an earlier item in the video, Palin criticized government bureaucracy, but she clearly supports the bureaucratic management of domain names. Which is it?
3) Screw the Minimum Wage. Palin said, "The government needs to butt out of employer/employee pay issues." Really across the board? So it should be legal for businesses to pay employees next-to-nothing while eliminating the 40-hour work week? Interesting. Palin's bridge to the 19th Century.
4) Never try to improvise, Sarah. Warren noted that when fast food workers picket for better wages, progressives ought to stand with them. Palin responded by apparently suffering a stroke or some sort of bizarre aphasia.
Transcript via Christopher Foxx in the comments:
"We believe"? Wait, I thought fast food joints, hurh. Don't you guys think that they're like of the Devil or somethin' I was. Liberals, you want to send those evil employees who would dare work at a fast food joint then ya just don't believe in, thought you wanted to, I dunno, send them to Purgatory or somethin' so they all go VEGAN and, uh, wages and picket lines I dunno they're not often discussed in Purgatory, are they? I dunno why are you even worried about fast food wages because dha.
5) Palin Doesn't Understand the First Amendment. Again. In a section about tolerance, Palin continued by chastising the left for trying to silence and intimidate people like her, citing "free speech" as a bulwark against it. Palin is too ignorant to understand this, but the Constitution doesn't prohibit citizens from protesting offensive or racist speech. It only forbids the government from doing so. Palin said, "We believe the answer to free speech that you find offensive... is more free speech!" But doesn't that include the freedom to speak out against racist crackpots like Ted Nugent? She's been flummoxed by this one for years now.
6) Palin Doesn't Understand the First Amendment. Part Two. Reacting to Warren's pledge to overturn the Supreme Court's Hobby Lobby decision, Palin said that the government shouldn't force people to buy contraception if it violates their religious beliefs. But as we've discussed over and over, religious liberty isn't a valid means of permitting discrimination or as an excuse for politically-driven tantrums. Hobby Lobby's employee health insurance policy covers nearly all forms of contraception except the ones it believes are abortion-inducing, even though science has proved that they're not abortion-inducing at all. But let's take Palin's religious liberty excuse in a different direction. What if I was the CEO of Comcast and my religious beliefs held that a woman's place was in the home and therefore decided to block the Sarah Palin Channel from being received by all 19 million Comcast internet customers? Just tossing that out there.
Feel free to watch the train-wreck yourself here. And see if you can discern what the blazes she's talking about in the fast food section.