For the first time in her political career, Palin has authored two op/eds in a week, and her second article is considerably worse than her previous effort. The headline, posted on FoxNews.com reads (and I'm not making this up): "President Obama's buzzed on suds great adventure."
Nope, not even the headline is coherent. At first, I read it like so: "President Obama is buzzed on suds. Great adventure." That didn't make a lick of sense, but after staring at it for a few seconds, I realized the headline evidently had something to do with embarking on a "great adventure" while hammered, which case, the headline should've read: "President Obama's Drunken Adventure," or "Which Obama Beer Are You? I Got Bud Light Lime!"
Who knows. She's illiterate.
Suffice to say, a woman who can barely string together two words is accusing the president of being an incompetent, fall-down drunk. So much for the Republican-invented meme about leaders with whom "we'd like to have a beer."
Let's take a look at some of Palin's more egregiously bizarre remarks.
1) He's drunk and high.
President Obama was absolutely swamped the other night, staving off the munchies at a pizza party in the Mile High city, hobnobbing as headliner at numerous Democrat shindigs, collecting big bucks from big donors all day.
"Staving off the munchies" is symptomatic of smoking pot, and Palin knows it. So Obama is both a drunk and an addict. I'm surprised she didn't toss in a "Dopey Changey" joke. Notice, though, how she cleverly worked "Mile High" into a sentence about the munchies.
You know what? I take back everything I've said about her writing. When she invariably gives up her newly-discovered interest in op/eds halfway through her next one, maybe she could write a spec script for a Police Academy reboot. She's just that good.
2) Authentic frontier gibberish.
Especially exhausting must be trying to change pace and pivot through the fundraising parties, knowing they’re thrown by those much maligned “fat cats” (Obama’s words, not mine).
"Especially exhausting must be trying to change pace..." Ain't no side-windin', bush-whackin', horn-swagglin' crocker crooker is gonna roll 'way pissencutter! Now who can argue with that? I mean, seriously, is that English?
3) Palin is offended by political fundraising. [Cough] SarahPAC. [Cough]
Donors forked over up to $32,000 just to get in the door to hear some fancy talk and scratch each other’s backs.
For the record, her political action committee has raised nearly $2 million this year alone. Because she hates fundraising...
4) ...which also makes this line hilarious:
...because politics isn’t a passionate cause for most attendees, it’s a money maker.
So says one of the GOP's most prolific grifters. By the way, politics isn't a "cause." Cleaning up the environment is a "cause." Politics is a means by which causes are pursued.
5) She makes it too easy.
Does anyone think these Obama supporters are in it to “let freedom ring”? Nah. Shoot, they don’t even let cell phones ring. They’re confiscated at these fundraisers.
ZING! See what she did there? Freedom rings, but cell phones don't ring? Get it? Also, a quickie Google search of the phrase "cell phones banned palin" turned up this headline: "Palin goes rogue, bans cell phones, cameras, laptops from speech." So much for ringing.
6) Obama is a child.
After watching what’s going on, does anyone else feel an urgency to take away the proverbial teenager’s car keys to prevent the inevitable crash down the road?
Okay, so Obama is a drunken, stoned... teenager. Seriously, I'd have more respect for her if she just came right out and said "boy." At least she'd be honest about how she really feels.
7) Impeachable what?
The attention deficit that prohibits this administration from tackling even ONE serious problem, resolving even ONE impeachable scandal or self-made crisis...
Sorry, but the editor in me can't let these things go. A scandal is not impeachable. A scandal might be grounds for impeachment. A president might be impeachable. But a scandal isn't. This woman is an idiot.
8) I called it!
This one may keep the president up all night because it’s literally just underfoot: the White House Bowling Alley Renovation Project. Yup. (You can't make this stuff up.)
The other day, I sarcastically tweeted: "Next thing you know, there'll be a bowling alley inside the White House. Impeach!" By the way, the project was scrapped because it's been 15 years since the previous renovation, and so the condition of the alley is "irreparable." By the way, the alley was constructed at the request of tax-and-spend liberal Richard Nixon.
9) Hickenlooper = comedy gold.
For instance, after satisfying those munchies in Colorado, he carved out room for some super duper important games of pool in a bar with that state’s enabling governor. Ironically, Hickensooperdooper is his name.
First, why is that ironic? Second, John Hickenlooper is the governor of the swing-state of Colorado. Maybe it's not a smart idea to make fun of his name. Come to think of it, anyone who names her children "Willow," "Trig," "Piper" and "Track" has forfeited her right to make fun of anyone's name.
10) Now this is ironic.
With all due respect, listen up, politicians; you’ve ignored your 7th grade American government lessons long enough.
A former governor and vice presidential nominee, who was repeatedly incapable of accurately describing the role of the vice president, is lecturing Washington about "7th grade American government lessons."
Someone who cares about Sarah Palin, someone close to her, needs to pull her aside and tell her that she's embarrassing herself. It's almost sad, really. Almost.