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The Newest Argument Against Same-Sex Marriage is the Most Pathetic One Of All

All of the arguments that opponents of gay marriage have put forth have been knocked down one by one -- revealed as the bullshit they are. But there's one last card to play, and it's a total joke.

Of all the things ever said about gay marriage in the United States, none has been as sad, pathetic, and stupendously idiotic as the notion that it somehow persecutes Christians. This view was most recently articulated by Texas congressman and noted slack-jawed yokel Louie Gohmert, whose speech -- complete with Nazi reference -- on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives was embarrassing even by Republican standards:

"In the name of being tolerant, this fascist intolerance has arisen...

"[P]eople like me are considered haters. Hate mongers. Evil. Which really is exactly what we've seen throughout our history -- going back to the days of the Nazi takeover in Europe. What did they do? First, they would call people haters, evil, and build up disdain for those people who held those opinions or religious views or religious heritage."

Gohmert certainly isn't alone. "If same-sex 'marriage' becomes the law of the land," wrote the late evangelical leader Chuck Colson in 2012, "we can expect massive persecution of the Church."

Laura Ingraham says it could lead to Catholics becoming unwelcome in the U.S.

Joseph Farah asks, "So when does the persecution begin?"

And this asshole thinks if you boycott businesses for refusing to bake cakes for gay people you're persecuting them.

What explains all this moronic whining?

It's the fact that all of the arguments that opponents of gay marriage have put forth have been knocked down one by one -- revealed as the bullshit they are. This pathetic attempt by Gohmert and his fellow wannabe martyrs is the last gasp of a dying movement that's run out of reasons to exist.

One of the earliest arguments against homosexuality was that god forbade it. But then the Enlightenment happened, and people started to question why they should take moral counsel from a character who destroyed nearly all of humanity in a giant flood. People also began to wonder how serious a commandment against homosexuality could be if it appears in the same book that prohibits people from wearing clothes woven from two different materials.

Then more recently, opponents of gay marriage said that it undermined "traditional marriage." They spoke as if heterosexual couples would look at all the matrimonial gayness around them and think, "I gotta get in on that." Yet in the years since gay marriage became legal in several states, heterosexual couples have not divorced en masse to pursue same-sex relationships. Instead they divorce for the usual reasons: money, infidelity, and children. (Yes, kids, sometimes it is your fault.) But even then, states with gay marriage tend to have lower divorce rates than those that ban it.

Then they said gay marriage was bad for children. But then that was proven wrong.

Then they said gay marriage would lead to interspecies marriage. But then they stopped saying that because people started to wonder why the ones making that argument seemed to enjoy talking about bestiality so much.

Then they said most people oppose it. But then they stopped saying that because most people now actually support it.

And so, after years of conceiving the most moronic, superstitious, bigoted, factually inaccurate excuses their lizard brains could fabricate, which they used to imprison, fine, intimidate, lynch, and shame gay people for most of American history, they have now arrived at their final rhetorical refuge:

We're being oppressed by gay people and their supporters.

It would seem then, that these Christian conservatives aren't without a sense of humor, even if it's unintentional. Jesus taught that his followers would be persecuted, which explains why they are constantly searching for crosses on which to climb, however illusory they are.