Last night, most of the civilized world watched the Seattle Seahawks crush the Denver Broncos 43-8 to win the 47th Superbowl, which took place in the cultural mecca of East Rutherford, New Jersey. This is almost guaranteed to be exclusively what coworkers, polite acquaintances, and neighbors you catch the elevator with will bring up today, tomorrow, and possibly even as frustratingly far as Wednesday.
But the truth is, no one really wants to talk about the Super Bowl.
They just want something to talk about. The key to shutting them up is to throw out an obscure fact about the game, making it seem like anything else they could say would pale in comparison to your knowledge. Here's a list of a few you can use to help further your anti-socialism and overall detachment from the outside world:
- Pete Carroll became the third coach in history to win a Super Bowl AND an NCAA Championship.
- The Simpsons predicted the Broncos-Seahawks Super Bowl in 2005:
- Russell Wilson was taken by the Seahawks in the third round of the 2012 NFL Draft. He was also drafted twice by Major League Baseball
- The opening safety after 12 seconds of play marked the fastest score in Super Bowl history. Peyton Manning was also on the opposing team of the previous fastest score. The 92-yard return of the opening kickoff by Devin Hester of the Bears took 14 seconds in Super Bowl XLI against Indianapolis (won by the Colts, 29-17).
- The Seahawks also scored after exactly 12 seconds had elapsed in the second half. Percy Harvin’s 87-yard kickoff return, the 10th in Super Bowl history, took that long.
- Malcolm Smith joins Chuck Howley (Dallas in Super Bowl V) and Ray Lewis (Baltimore in Super Bowl XXXV) as the only linebackers to win Super Bowl MVP honors (he was drafted in the last round of the 2011 draft), and it is only the eighth time the defense has produced the Super Bowl MVP.
- Super Bowl XLVIII marked the first time any NFL game (regular season or postseason) had ended with a score of 43-8.
- Coca-Cola's ad was the first Super Bowl commercial to feature a gay family.
- And, most importantly, if you put some money down on the Seahawks at -2.5, you're very, very happy right now [like this writer is...].