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The Triumphant Return of Dan Bidondi and the Alex Jones Army of Idiots

I went back through the Banter archive and took a look. And lo and behold, what did I find but an angry army of InfoWarriors who'd somehow come across last year's piece on Jones's little Renfield, Dan Bidondi, within just the last day and had decided to take me to task. Among them, yes, Bidondi himself.
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One of the interesting things about columns on conspiracy theories is that they tend to have a very long half-life. I can write a piece mocking Alex Jones and his insistence that every tragedy under the sun is a "false flag" attack by the government, and a year later Jones's gullible acolytes will still be stumbling across it in their various Illuminati Google searches and posting long-winded rants in the comment section about how I, as one of the "sheeple," need to wake up. I was reminded of this little phenomenon yesterday when a reader left a comment over at the Banter's Facebook page lambasting me for picking on Alex Jones's padawan, doughy doofus Dan Bidondi, whom you may remember as the guy who hijacked the vital question-and-answer session during the first news conference in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing by shouting nonsense about, yes, false flag attacks and the secret plan to use the fake terrorist bombing as a precursor to crushing our precious civil liberties. In case you haven't figured it out, given that the Boston Marathon attack happened last April, the piece this commenter was referring to was written eight months ago.

Why did he discover it now, in January of 2014, and suddenly decide to voice his considerable umbrage? That, I don't know. But since there's no such thing as a lone conspiracy theorist these days what with the internet providing a secure basement bunker for those suffering from every kind of delusion imaginable -- a sort of hive-mind for the mindless -- I had to figure that this indignant detractor wasn't the only one who'd found my piece on Bidondi. So I went back through the archive and took a look. And lo and behold, what did I find but an angry army of InfoWarriors who'd somehow come across the piece within just the last day and had decided to take me to task. Among them, yes, Dan Bidondi himself.

Before I go any further, I'm going to suggest that you go back and read the original column. Don't worry, we'll wait right here for you. Skip the comments if you can; we'll get to those in a minute.

The Daily Banter: Dan Bidondi's Illiterate Lament/5.7.13

Now, while I was certainly hard on poor, dumb Dan Bidondi, it's worth mentioning again that in the immediate aftermath of an attack that killed three innocent people and wounded more than 250 others, many having limbs blown off, he turned an important news conference by Massachusetts officials into a farce by claiming that it was, in fact, the government that was behind the event. (An event that many of Alex Jones's followers believe was staged, with actors playing the roles of the injured.) That's reprehensible and offensive, and because of it Bidondi deserves no quarter. Seriously, fuck him.

But it goes without saying that Bidondi and the rest of the sad bastards who've suddenly descended on the comment section of my original piece are demanding that I argue with them and attempt to debunk their clearly rock-solid arguments for why Alex Jones, defender of our liberties, is right and the government engineered the phony "Boston Marathon bombing." The thing is, though -- why? Why should I? As I've said before, as recently as a few weeks ago, if you make an outlandish claim -- particularly one that's as self-evidently insane as saying the Boston Marathon bombing was faked -- it's up to you to provide irrefutable evidence to back it up. Not a tangentially related government report that happens to set off alarms in the suspicion center of your brain, a random link to some website you happen to trust but which is likely very untrustworthy, a video made by stoned college kids that uses specious logic to connect a few barely-there dots and which assumes that coincidence is proof of corruption, or Alex Jones (because he's not a reliable source, period). The more outlandish the claim, the more proof you need to back it up; the tighter you need to seal up your argument. If you don’t have it, then, as Christopher Hitchens famously said, you and your claims can be shrugged off without any discussion, because that which is asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof. In other words, I don't need to argue with you. I'm not required to give your claims any credence whatsoever. In fact, I get to laugh at you.

More to the point, it would be worthless to argue anyway, because it's impossible -- impossible -- to talk a hardcore conspiracy theorist out of his or her fever dreams. You can offer all the contradicting evidence on earth, link to every possible credible source imaginable, demand that all outlandish leaps of logic be prohibited; he or she will simply shrug it all off, claim that your motives or sources are suspect or outright corrupt, and then throw out a bunch of specific but ultimately unrelated facts and nefarious-sounding terminology and tie it all together using the Texas Sharpshooter fallacy. Because the beauty of a conspiracy theory as lunatic as the whole "false flag" claim applied to each and every tragedy this country has to suffer through is that it requires no oxygen for fuel. It fuels itself; it's a self-reinforcing delusion. Therefore there's no way to win and to get yourself involved is itself a losing game.

Regardless, here's Dan Bidondi's illiterate gauntlet throw-down in the comment section of my piece ridiculing him, as well as a few other rants from the InfoWars folk thrown in for good measure.

CHEZ, you think by pointing out my miss spellings and grammar that it makes me Illiterate?
Instead of showing your ignorance and insulting me personally, why don't you ever challenge my questions I asked at the press conferences??
I tell you why because you are a gutless coward who likes to make his 3 minutes of fame off people like me.
You think my ridiculing me makes you right, or makes you win?? NOOOOOOOO
My grammar and spelling is horrible so what? That doesn't take away from the questions and facts that myself and Infowars posted.
I know how people like you work, you love to insult and ridicule people, but in reality you would never touch the subjects at hand because you know we would blow you clear out of the water.
So instead of insults, I will give you 3 more minutes of fame and challenge wit to wits, on the questions I asked.
But I know you are going to come back at me with insults and in your puny little brain thinking you out smarted me.
So since we are in the spot light with all this, step up to the plate boy. -- InfoWars Dan Bidondi

LOL WOW... That whole article of nothing but banter and picking out my miss spellings and grammar... But the whole time NOT ONCE did you even touch upon nor try to debunk anything we have stated which is truth.
10 paragraphs of ridiculing me and not once sentence to try to even address the questions I asked..
I will challenge you to a debate anytime, this way you can't hide behind your articles with your one sided opinions.
Who cares if my grammar and spelling is off, that doesn't take away from the facts pal! -- InfoWars Dan Bidondi

garbage, this article just attacks Dan's character and calls a foul mouthed intellectually-bankrupt coward a hero? Chez... are you in the 3rd grade and you just discovered profanity or something? i'm going to have a bowel movement at how poorly written this article was. This cannot be taken seriously

{poop noises} -- Colt Seavers

Dan Bidondi and all those who stand up for the truth are going to be called "crazy" by those who don't want to look at the facts. Those who refuse to look at the facts are jealous or ignorant of those who do. It's easier for small minds and small hearts to call people "crazy" rather than to take the time and effort to research the truth for themselves. -- Timothy McGaffin II

I am sorry. ur such a Sheep. we Need good Informed Journalists in this Country.. that is why our Nation has been taken over. and being destroyed.. its People Like You. who get to write Hit Pieces. Why don't you Write about the Bilderbergs.. the CFR. those people are Implenting Policies to Destroy the World. OR FUKUSHIMA.. are you in CALI.. Well get Ready.. cause you will be leaving to avoid the Cancer.. Asshole.. INFOWARS!... Cause telling the Truth.. its Tyrannical in a World Full of Deceit.. U need to Join.. IN THE INFORMATION WAR.. BRAIN! -- IMiss AmericaTwo

Feel like arguing with these clowns? Head on over to the original piece and have at it. I'm going on with my day.