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THE MORNING BANTER: Unrecognized Gay Marriages, Bridge Allegations, Coachella Lineups, and Social Security Scams

Happy Thursday. Here's what's happening on the interweb:
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Chris Christie

Happy Thursday. Remember when this was NBC's Can't-Miss Comedy night? Good times. Here's what's happening on the interweb:

1. Utah Will Not Recognize Same-Sex Marriages That Have Already Been Performed

The office of Utah Governor Gary Herbert (R) said same-sex couples who were married after the state's ban on gay marriage was struck down, but before the Supreme Court halted gay marriages in the state, will not be recognized as legally married. However, that does not mean they are legally required to give back that lovely espresso machine you got them. Sorrrrryyyy

2. Chris Christie Denies Knowledge Of Bridge Payback Scheme

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie denied any involvement in a political payback scheme carried out by some of his top aides on Wednesday, saying the whole thing was "inappropriate and unsanctioned." When asked exactly how we will go about making amends for this event, Christie said that he would cross that bridge when he gets to it.

3. Coachella Releases 2014 Line-Up

Annual corporate summit I mean rock festival Coachella released its lineup yesterday. Notable acts include Outkast, who are reuniting for the first time in 7 years, and Arcade Fire, who do that songs that you like from that thing but can't you remember the name.

4. Former Cops, Firefighters Indicted in Biggest Social Security Disability Scam of All Time

Amid the heartache, flag-waving and furious calls for vengeance that followed the horrific terrorist attacks on the United States Sept. 11, 2001, seeds were being planted for what The New York Times called the largest Social Security disability program scam ever. Between 70 and 80 mostly retired police offers were among the 100 indicted yesterday for defrauding the government with phony claims of mental and physical health problems they allege stemmed from their experiences with the 9/11 rescue efforts.

Their lawyers have collectively decided to plead not guilty and are instead blaming Al Qaeda for all of this.