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THE MORNING BANTER: Unemployment Benefits, Godless Churches, Black Females, and Fox News Prostitution

It’s January 8th, which means you’ve broken at least 75% of your New Years resolutions by now. Here’s what happening on the interweb:
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It’s January 8th, which means you’ve broken at least 75% of your New Years resolutions by now. Here’s what happening on the interweb:

1. Senate Moves Ahead with Measure to Extend Long-Term Unemployment Benefits

The Democratic effort to extend federal benefits for the long-term unemployed got a surprise boost Tuesday as skeptical Republicans in the Senate voted to allow the proposal to advance, with issues of poverty and economic opportunity emerging as a central battleground between the parties. The reprieve came after President Obama’s outreach to some GOP senators produced the narrowest of victories for the White House.

“Yeah…outreach…” Barack scoffed. If they only knew how dirty his hands had gotten the past few weeks, they would use a different word entirely. Then, as he began pondering whether it was all worth it, his coffee mug slipped a bit in his hand and a single drop of joe spilled on his shirt. He sneered as he began instinctively pawing at it, pleafully demanding “Out damn spot.”

2. Sunday Assembly: A Church For The Godless Picks Up Steam

NPR just did a story on Sunday Assembly, a church for people who don't believe in God. The brainchild of two British comedians, the movement has since spread across the globe, and there are now about 30 chapters from Dublin to Sydney to New York. What’s really ironic though is that most people who go to church and do believe in God don’t realize that he was also the brainchild of a British comedian.

3. Sasheer Zamata Joins ‘Saturday Night Live’ As New Cast Member

SNL has filled the long empty role of “black female” in their cast with comedian Sasheer Zamata. You might remember her as being my choice for who SNL should pick back when I did an in-depth analysis of the finalists last month, which means we can only conclude that Lorne Michaels is an avid Daily Banter reader who respects my opinions and advice.

4. Book On Roger Ailes Says He Had Horrible Temper, Offered Raise In Exchange For Sex

Gabriel Sherman's new book, The Loudest Voice in the Room, offers a scathing look at Ailes, according to an early look by The New York Times. Former employees cited in the book talked of Mr. Ailes’s volatile temper and domineering behavior. In one anecdote, a television producer, Randi Harrison, told Mr. Sherman that while negotiating her salary with Mr. Ailes at NBC in the 1980s, he offered her an additional $100 each week “if you agree to have sex with me whenever I want.”

Or we can do $75 a week and you’re allowed to say no twice every three months. It’s called negotiating.