"Here is the problem, there is science behind those trails. You can track when it is going to happen and when it is not going to happen. It is all based on the humidity in the atmosphere. That is what it is all based on. When you have a jet engine and it burns jet fuel and it is going through the atmosphere it is creating moisture and in conditions where it is almost cloudy, like very hazy, when a jet engine passes through, this change of atmosphere and adding moisture creates a cloud... They look like clouds because they are clouds."
-- Joe Rogan stating the obvious about what "chemtrails" really are to his podcast guest, Roseanne Barr
Happy New Year, everyone. And if you had hoped that somehow Roseanne and those like her would disappear at midnight Tuesday in a giant puff of crazy-steam from Ron Paul's whimsical jalopy, sorry to ruin your 2014.
Roseanne made an appearance on Rogan's very popular podcast earlier in the week, during which she turned a discussion of organic farming into an opportunity to go off on a bizarre rant about how Monsanto is supposedly spraying aluminum into the atmosphere. The idea, according to Roseanne and the detailed reports she pulled completely out of her ass, would be to create a giant mirror in the sky which Monsanto could then use for some nefarious purpose or other.
Thankfully, Rogan, who's a pretty bright guy, wasn't having any of that nonsense. He quickly understood that what Roseanne was talking about were "chemtrails." I'm qualifying that word as a way of letting you know that there's a big red line underneath it each time I type it aimed at informing me that it doesn't exist in the English language. There are no such things as "chemtrails," beyond being possibly the premier shibboleth among America's growing conspiracist mental patient demographic. "Chemtrails" are nothing more than aircraft contrails for people who are confused by science.
This is what Rogan spelled out for Roseanne in short order. That's what the above quote is: Joe Rogan explaining basic atmospheric physics to someone who either doesn't understand or can't accept the reality of how things work. It's like Bill Nye talking to an angry developmentally disabled eight-year-old who's on acid. The unfortunate thing, of course, is that despite the simple scientific explanation for why planes sometimes produce contrails, there's no doubt that Roseanne will go right on believing they're actually part of a Monsanto plot to create big mirrors in the sky made out of aluminum and barium or some other such horseshit.
By the way, Rogan's final thoughts on "chemtrails" believers?
"Those people are fucking crazy."
Update: There's a follow-up here.