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THE MORNING BANTER: People of the Year, Hush Money, Soccer Unions, and Feminist Shampoo

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Happy Tuesday, you filthy animals. Here's what's happening on the interweb:

1. The Top Ten Finalists for TIME's Person of the Year in 2013 Announced

TIME Magazine’s Managing Editor Nancy Gibbs named the full shortlist of contenders for the title with two days to go until the official selection. The list includes Ted Cruz, Miley Cyrus, Pope Francis, Edward Snowden, and yeah I stopped giving a shit after I saw Miley’s name too.

2. Fox News Paid Ousted Exec $8 Million In 'Hush Money' 

We now know what it reportedly takes to keep a fired Fox News executive from spilling the beans on all the juicy inner workings at the network: about $8 million. That's the figure that Gawker said Brian Lewis, the ousted former consigliere to Roger Ailes, was paid by Fox News in a recently uncovered settlement. Liberals everywhere are now trying to pool their money to see how many other Fox News employees they can get to shut up now.

3. U.S. star Alex Morgan announces engagement to MLS player.  
United States Women’s National Team star Alex Morgan announced her engagement to longtime boyfriend Servando Carrasco on several social media sites on Monday night. Carrasco is currently a midfielder for the Houston Dynamo. The two met at the University of California, Berkeley, where they both played college soccer. American soccer fans are hopeful that their lovechild will one day help lead the U.S. to a World Cup that doesn’t end in everyone laughing at us for even trying.

4. Amazing Pantene Ad Defiantly Tackles How Women in the Workplace Are Labeled  

Pantene Philippines has launched a powerful campaign pointing out how identical behavior often earns men and women different labels in the workplace. In this spot by BBDO Guerrero in Manila, a lovely cover of "Mad World" by Tears for Fears plays while each scene displays a double-standard in a working environment. A man is the "boss" while a woman is "bossy." A man is "persuasive" while a woman is "pushy." He's "neat" but she's "vain." He's "smooth" but she's a "show-off." "Don't let labels hold you back. Be strong and shine," says the ad, which ends by threatening, “Oh, and now if you don’t buy our shampoo, you hate women.”