Sarah Palin's new book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas, is exactly what it sounds like: a poorly written self-indulgent response to the so-called "War on Christmas," featuring personal stories of Palin's various Alaska Christmases.
For example, in one chapter, Palin writes about racing around on a "snow machine" with her brother on Christmas Day 1978, only to be nabbed by a state trooper who didn't have "one ounce of Christmas cheer." Palin goes on to compare the trooper to other "Scrooges" who want to destroy Christmas: "This modern-day Scrooge -- lets call him 'Joe McScrooge' for short -- threatens to destroy every last bit of Christmas cheer we have left."
First of all, "Joe McScrooge" is longer than "Scrooge," not shorter. And a law enforcement official is somehow a "Scrooge" for stopping two underage kids from joy-riding a snow machine? Gotcha.
But one can't truly savor the incoherence and grade-school level writing without actually hearing Palin read her own words. Here she describes exchanging gifts with Todd Palin:
Yes, a matter of days after Sandy Hook, Palin gave her husband a "nice, needed powerful gun" in direct response to the "anti-gun chatter coming from Washington" immediately following the massacre. Tasteful and classy. And such tastefulness can only be wrapped up by repeating her, "He's got the rifle but I've got the rack," zinger.
One of Palin's major problems is that she's incapable of reading out loud in a way that makes sense. She emphasizes the wrong words, rolls right on through punctuation and is generally sing-songy in a way that makes her already incomprehensible written words even less understandable.
From the above audio clip: "He's always given... goodgifts. When we were 17, and my friends had already receivedpolosweaters, the newestgogos... vinyl record, or Gloria Vanderbilt jeans from their boyfriends..." Or, "Gift cards for gaaas, to keep his snowmachinetruck... and floatplane (??) topped off." Or, "I then assed him for... a metalgunholder for my four whiller." She's kind of unintentionally doing an awkward, semi-literate impression of Chistopher Walken's herky-jerky delivery (with apologies to Walken).
Anyway, nothing says "Jesus is the reason for the season!" like making easy money with a crappy book about respecting Christmas traditions.