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Kanye West and Fighter Jets, Sylvester Stallone The Painter and Chris Brown Admits “Anger Issues.”

Kanye West wants Fighter Jets for his wedding, Sylvester Stallone is now apparently an artist, and Chris Brown Admits “Anger Issues.” Welcome to the Banter's guide to the madness of celebrities...
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It was only days ago that Russell Brand admitted that he’s never voted but dreams of some new magical system that will be good for all mankind, the earth and the universe (brilliant – who can argue?). I don’t need to go on too much given he’s been everywhere, but I thought the quote below from his edited edition of the New Statesmen nicely summed up his take on how politics should change.


“To genuinely make a difference, we must become different; make the tiny, longitudinal shift,” writes Russell in The New Statesmen. “Meditate, direct our love indiscriminately and our condemnation exclusively at those with power. Revolt in whatever way we want, with the spontaneity of the London rioters, with the certainty and willingness to die of religious fundamentalists or with the twinkling mischief of the trickster. We should include everyone, judging no one, without harming anyone.”

(nb who is defined as “those with power”? Those with money? Like Russell the movie star? I digress…)

But now celebrities seem to have gone completely mad. I’m not necessarily linking these things solely to Russell because mercury is in retrograde and we all know what that means.

So to start:

Kanye West has said he wants fighter jets at his wedding. In a fly by? To launch some kind of strike? To fly down the aisle? He was wickedly unspecific but I would like to think that he may fly himself and his lovely Kim Kardashian to an island far, far away for the wedding which will be attended by four people, no cameras and no internet. We may never even know they actually got married. He also casually mentions that him and Kim are “the most influential with clothing.” Mainly because “no one is looking at what President Obama is wearing. Michelle Obama cannot instagram a picture like my girl did the other day.” I think people are grateful for that fact.

And then we move on to the next bonkers story of the week: Sylvester Stallone the artist.

Good old Sly has an exhibition at the Russian museum in St Petersburg. Paintings include: Finding Rocky and Hercules O’Clock. In total there are 36 paintings. 36. It bears repeating. Where does he find the time between injecting steroids and being in shit movies?

He added at the press conference: “I think I’m a much better painter than an actor.”
I’m not sure anyone knows how to respond to that because his paintings look awful and he’s never been a good actor…

He continues: “If my visit is a challenge for somebody, let it be so. It’s very flattering because there are so many great artists in the world but for some reason, they chose me to go over there.”

I think “for some reason” rather nicely sums it up.

And just to prove the world has gone completely upside down (is this what Russell Brand was talking about?) it would seem that Chris Brown (you remember him, nice guy, hit his girlfriend, sings occasionally) has “voluntarily” entered rehab for “anger management issues.”

After a few fisticuffs outside a hotel in Washington DC, Chris was arrested, some happy deal was done and before you could say, ‘hang on a sec,’ he was already on his private jet headed to Los Angeles for a dose of introspection and meditation.

It’s pretty clear he’s up for the challenge having recently posted on his twitter page:

“In order to go where u have never gone u have to be willing to go where you never been!!!’ (One presumes the three exclamation marks are a sign he’s super serious.)

That’s really deep, right? Either that or he’s actually just never been to that particular rehab center. Would this happen if Chris was “normal”? (And by normal, I just mean not famous, clearly he’s not normal).

So I think I blame Russell for the celeb crazy we’ve been hit by this week. If he hadn’t been encouraging social revolution, Russia, known for its relaxed and open attitude towards everything would never have a Sly exhibition, Kanye wouldn’t have thought that fighter jets would add something extra to his wedding and Chris Brown would never have had the reality check to not go to prison and instead learn that hitting is bad.