Skip to main content

Apple "Mother Ship" Campus Plans Revealed, Ends Normalcy in California Forever

For a mere $5 billion, a sustainably built circular structure that looks like a spaceship crossed with a donut shaped iPad is being built by Apple, fulfilling the dreams of Steve Jobs who envisioned "the best office building in the world". It's official: Geeks have now taken over the world.
  • Author:
  • Updated:
apple palace

Putting an ironic pink case on your iPhone 5 and shopping in Whole Foods might make you feel unique and eco friendly, but you're still supporting modern day slavery in China, funding a multi millionaire libertarian who thinks global warming is a good thing, and propping up industries that perpetuate gigantic inequalities and environmental degradation.

Foodies, Hipsters and Tech geeks are probably the greatest threat to human existence on planet earth. The product of relentless marketing, materialistic nihilism, and the modern cult of the individual, the three subcultures have legitimized grotesque consumerism by pretending to defy societal norms.

While Foodies and Hipsters are mostly responsible for the cultural nihilism part of the equation, Tech Geeks are fast becoming the new titans of America - bullied teenagers turned omnipotent CEO's with access to billions of dollars of Silicon Valley VC money and a blank slate to live out their fantasies.

Want to work in a spaceship like building in the middle of northern California with thousands of other tech geeks? No problem! For a mere $5 billion, a sustainably built circular structure that looks like a spaceship crossed with a donut shaped iPad can all be yours.

Originally the vision of deceased Steve Jobs who believed he could build "the best office building in the world,"  Apple is in the middle of one of the biggest vanity projects in recent history. The company has hired renown architect Norman Foster to build a mega monstrosity of a geek palace where employees can dash around on scooters, express themselves with different color iPhones, and bask in the natural light coming through sustainably built windows in pristine Cupertino, CA.

Welcome to 'Apple Campus 2':

Apple's environmental director, Lisa Jackson, says “80% of the site will be green space. 75% of the year we won't need air-conditioning or heating. We'll have natural ventilation...It will run on 100% renewable energy, with one of the largest solar arrays in the world for a corporate campus.”

Great. But it is also completely fucking ridiculous.