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US Government May Have Shut Down, But Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Are Still Together!

A lot of crazy stuff is happening in the world right now. The US government has shut down, the Simpson’s are going to kill off a character and Simon Cowell is going to be a father. But don't worry, not all is lost. Here's a list of things that will make you feel (somewhat) normal.
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie

Still together! Thank God...

It’s official. The world has gone mad.

The government has closed.

The zoo has closed (THE ZOO. Capitals and repetition are needed)

Lamar Odom takes crack.

The Simpson’s are going to kill off a character.

Bridget Jones is a widow.

Simon Cowell is going to be a father.

Kanye West is a fashion designer.

Zac Efron went to rehab.

John Mayer and Katy Perry seem to be in an actual relationship that has lasted longer than five minutes.

What is happening?

Is Mercury in retrograde? Are there unusually large sunspots? Has someone pressed the crazy button? Is it because Breaking Bad has ended?

Thankfully other things have remained normal.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are still together (collective sigh of relief).

Rumours still circulate that Jennifer Aniston is pregnant.

Miley Cyrus is still sticking her tongue out.

Bradley Cooper still walks around with his top off.

Taylor Swift is still unsure about love.

Homeland has started again.

Russell Brand is single.

Kristen Stewart still doesn’t smile.

One Direction still look like they haven’t started shaving.

There will always be a Real Housewives of ______

And Mia Farrow will always give interesting interviews. Like today in Vanity Fair. Her son, Ronan (first name Satchel in case anyone was interested), was thought to be Woody Allen’s biological son. But by saying he could “possibly” be Frank Sinatra’s son, people are interested (well, it got some headlines). And this kid is bright. He’s got a brain. And yet his mom has decided to tell the world she’s not sure who his real father is. Nice.

His response? From his twitter page:

“Listen, we’re all ‘possibly’ Frank Sinatra’s son.”

Ronan. I can categorically state that no, we are not all Frank’s sons. But I do wish you the best.