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The Morning Banter: Obama vs. Assad, Zimmerman Lawyer's New Job, and Texas Secedes (Finally)

Here's a quick rundown of what you should be reading this morning to take your mind off the drudgery of a new work week.
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Here's a quick rundown of what you should be reading this morning to take your mind off the drudgery of a new work week:

1. War Stories

Today will see an unusual confluence of media events, with the PR blitzes of both leaders involved in the Syria debate taking to television to make their respective cases. This morning on CBS This Morning comes our first look at a surprise interview Charlie Rose did in Damascus with Bashar al-Assad, who of course claims that he had nothing to do with a chemical weapon attack that killed hundreds of people in Syria last month. Meanwhile, President Obama will give interviews to six networks today as part of the lead-up to his address to the nation on the Syrian crisis scheduled for Tuesday night at 9pm. Get your popcorn.

CBS News: Charlie Rose Interviews Syrian President Bashar Assad/6.8.13

The Washington Post: Obama To Grant Six Interviews On Eve of Syria Speech/9.7.13

2. Habeas Whorepus

Central Florida's largest cockroach ever on record, attorney Mark O'Mara, just found out that all that shilling he did for George Zimmerman finally paid off big time.

The Huffington Post: Mark O'Mara, George Zimmerman Lawyer, Joins CNN As Legal Analyst/9.6.12

3. Groan Star

Chances are whenever Texas starts beating its chest and threatening to secede from the United States your response is, "What the hell are you waiting for?" (Thankfully, I don't have to worry about any actual Texans being offended by this statement since it's unlikely they'll be able to read it.) Well, not one or two, but three new novels from Texas "writers" imagine what would happen if the Lone Star state finally went its own way and left the rest of us alone. Needless to say, all of their fever dreams picture the new Independent Republic of Texistan as a thriving first-world nation and major player on the global stage, rather than the world's largest collection of rusting cars on blocks in front yards.

Slate: Texas Forever!/9.6.13

4. Berzerker

Actually, when you consider how ridiculous Brent Musberger looks trying to talk up a hip-hop star he obviously knows nothing at all about, the expression on Eminem's face makes perfect sense here.

Vulture: Eminem Had a Joaquin Phoenix Moment on ESPN/9.8.13

Happy Monday, all.