"You know, you’re always talking about how history is being mistaught. You’re right. You’re always talking about what kids are learning these days, and they’re not learning about the greatness of America. They’re not learning about the founding days. They’re not learning the right things about the people, the great people, the exceptional people who founded this country. Why don’t you write a book for kids? A series of books for kids, maybe -- see how the first one goes -- that sets the record straight on American history."
-- Rush Limbaugh's wife, Kathryn, according to Limbaugh himself, apparently being the driving force behind a soon-to-be-released children's book Limbaugh has written
The name of the book is "Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims: Time-Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans." I have no idea what it's about, but I have to assume it has something to do with a rock star neurosurgeon and theoretical physicist who fights aliens from Planet 10 alongside his back-up band, the Hong Kong Cavaliers.
It practically goes without saying that this thing is nothing more than another franchise opportunity aimed at extending Limbaugh's market reach and padding out his bank account. It's based on a character he created to sell tea, for God's sake. Because for all their ranting about supposedly life-and-death issues, that's what conservative media is all about these days: scamming suckers out of their money. It's carnival barking. It's Vaudeville, and nothing more. It's going to suck when legislators in Texas begin pushing for the book to be included in the state's official public school curriculum, but I guess you can't save everybody.
Regardless, look for the Limbaugh-for-kids series to continue with these exciting upcoming titles that your children will love:
"Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Gays"
"Oh, the Places Immigrants Should Go"
"If You Give a Mouse a Handout"
"Erectile Dysfunction Junction"
"One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Slut"
(Got Limbaugh kids' book title ideas? Let's hear them in the comment section.)