Here's what you may as well read today instead of bemoaning the fact that you're back at work for another crappy week:
1. There's No "I" in Team
Yes, it's probably just a lot of nonsense saber-rattling cynically aimed at endearing themselves to the idiots in the base, but more than a couple of congressional Republicans have been throwing around the "I" word in their discussions of Barack Obama lately. The most high-profile yet is Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, who says that although he doesn't really know what level of crimes and misdemeanors it takes to finally just impeach a president, he's sure Obama has reached it. This and trying 147 times to overturn Obamacare. Your Republican congressmen at work. Also, welcome back to the usual GOP Summer of Town Hall Stupid.
2. MTV Unfortunately Didn't Kill the Video Stars
For some reason MTV gave away awards for music videos last night. Lady GaGa dressed like a German expressionist nun. Miley Cyrus moved closer than ever toward becoming the most embarrassing creature on the planet. Taylor Swift continued to prove what an insufferable cunt she is by scowling at One Direction and mouthing for them to "shut the fuck up" while they were onstage, then, predictably, personally slamming her ex from the band -- Harry Styles -- who was the inspiration for whichever song of hers was a hit this year that happened to be written about some guy who broke up with her because she's horrible. And, in the night's most exciting and talked-about moment, Chris Kirkpatrick surprised everyone by taking time off from running the night register at Target to reunite with his old band, N'Sync.
3. The Real Slim Shady
While most of it was proof positive that we've reached the end of the American empire and/or probably should've implemented some kind of draconian reproduction restrictions about a decade before the turn of the millennium, there was one small ray of sunshine that made itself known at the VMAs: Eminem is releasing a sequel to the landmark Marshall Mathers LP in November.
4. Split Decisions
The always great David Carr takes a thorough but measured look at the way the Snowden/NSA/Wikileaks story is dividing some in the journalistic community.
5. Trust Issues
If these aren't specific enough for you, I could always throw a couple of actual names your way.
Have a nice day.