Here's what you should be reading this morning instead of letting yourself be consumed with dread in the face of another work-week:
1. Greenwald vs. Grunwald
In case you missed all the orgiastic outrage on Twitter over the weekend, Michael Grunwald of Time magazine fired off a comment about Julian Assange being taken out by a drone and was of course immediately descended on by an indignant and even more insufferably pious than usual Glenn Greenwald. He and several others raked Grunwald over the coals until he finally took the thing down. While, no, I don't want to see Assange killed by a drone or any other piece of American weaponry -- and I doubt Grunwald really does either -- it's amusing to watch the world implode in on itself anytime someone in the media dares challenge the nihilistic left's patron saint. Much more interesting than this back-and-forth is the fact that it comes on the heels of an internet news conference with Assange in which he finally came right out and let everyone know just where his political devotion lies. The answer won't surprise you at all; it's confirmation that the far-left and far-right are basically the same.
2. Mock the Vote
This is actually a couple of days old but it performs a very necessary service and so we're kind of doing you and the country a favor by making sure it's seen far and wide. Behold, the Atlantic's rundown of the "objective evidence" of minority voter suppression that Rand Paul says he just can't find anywhere.
3. Born Again
Okay, so this is a couple of days old as well, but it's both cringe-inducing and infuriating: A bunch of Ohio Republicans, surrounded literally by those fucking ridiculous Duggars, vowing to pursue what would be some of the toughest anti-abortion restrictions in the country. While the reproductive rights angle of this story would be grotesque enough on its own, it can only be hoped that this kind of political posturing on a highly controversial issue will be enough to finally convince the Today show to stop playing the role of the Duggar family's official PR firm. It's unconscionable the way NBC shoves these religious lunatics down our throats every time Michelle Duggar's de-elasticized cervix drops another little Republican voter into the world.
4. In the Zone
I liked both Tron Legacy and Oblivion. I thought they were both interesting, evocative sci-fi film made by a director with a real eye for lovely visuals. Word is that director, Joseph Kosinski, is now attached to the upcoming movie about The Twilight Zone. Hey, as along as John Landis and helicopters are kept far away from the project.
5. 140 Character
Leave it to Patton Oswalt to screw with everybody while pointing out the frustrating limitations of Twitter. If you were following him on Saturday, you know what I'm talking about.