Welcome to this week's edition of The Daily Banter Mailbag! Today, Bob, Ben and Chez discuss the Next Sarah Palin, Jim Nabors' Marraige and our Super Bowl favorites.
1) With Sarah Palin now out of the picture, which TV-ready Republican crazy will step up and be the party's next star?
Chez: Tough call. If you're talkin about which woman, like who might come on the stage and once again give Rich Lowry something to masturbate to, maybe it'll be Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee. She's insane enough to demand proof that President Obama really shoots skeet (and if you're aware of the alternate meaning of that phrase, you'll know why I'm doing the Beavis and Butthead laugh to myself right now). But Blackburn doesn't have the raw charisma Palin had. That's one thing I'll give her -- the dumb-ass female Lonesome Rhodes sure knew how to work a crowd. I think the next GOP celebrity must be, in the foreboding words of Bishop in "Aliens," something we haven't seen yet.
Bob: I still don't believe Sarah Palin is out of the picture. She's only departed from Fox News Channel. Honestly, I have a hunch she'll hunker down and maybe prepare to get back into electoral politics. It's not too difficult to rehabilitate an image in America -- I mean, Elliot Spitzer has his own TV show (for now). She's a doofus, yes, but she's not politically inept.
Ben: That's an interesting one. The Republicans are going to have to be pretty careful about who they appoint to be their next super star. They've had some colossal f#$k ups over the past few years, mainly because they were far too eager to swoon all over anyone vaguely charismatic or ethnic. After the Palin disaster, Bobby Jindal was heralded as the antidote to Obama (it turned out he had the charisma of a wet blanket), then Richard Steele was anointed the savior of the horrendously white GOP (it turned out Steele had literally no political instincts whatsoever). The Republicans stopped experimenting with wild cards in 2012 and poured all their resources behind literally the most boring white politician ever in Mitt Romney, and that didn't work either. So what are they to do? The Republican strategists (ie. Karl Rove) will be doing their research to find a replacement for all of the above, but it won't be easy. The GOP is made up of phenomenally decrepit old white men, or batshit crazy lunatics - neither of which are electable. I literally cannot think of anyone capable of becoming the next Republican rock star. And to be honest, that's very reassuring.
2) Did you guys see that Jim Nabors got married to his long-time same-sex partner? Did everyone always know he was gay and I was just oblivious, and isn't he a legend to conservatives?
Bob: I didn't even know Jim Nabors was still alive, honestly. But good for him. I'm glad he could experience his full civil right to marriage in America, and good for him that he's not afraid to boast about it. As for being a hero of the right -- is he? Republicans seem more like the party of Goober, the lesser than Mayberry mechanic.
Ben: I must confess that I have no idea who Jim Nabors is. I just did a quick google search - I haven't seen anything he's ever been in, or seen him on TV in the 10 odd years I've lived in this country. But good for him. He's marrying the person he loves, and rightly so. A very heart warming story.
Chez: You know, I sincerely was shocked by that too and wondered the same thing. (Did anyone headline the story with "Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!"?) I haven't seen the conservative reaction but I have to assume it pisses many off because, yes, he was a bit of an icon since in their minds he, the characters he played and the shows he was on all represented that vision of America they're constantly trying to return to. Here's to hoping Nabors caused a few heart attacks among the formerly faithful.
3) Who ya got on Sunday, the Ravens or the Niners?
Ben: I have literally no understanding of American Football whatsoever. Sorry Max. I'm strictly a boxing and UFC fan. I have a ton of respect for the athletes - it's a tough game and those dudes take some serious hits. I just don't really know what they are doing half the time. Anyhow, I'm going to a super bowl party on Sunday, so I'll try to get someone to explain it to me. Hope you enjoy it though, as it seems like a very serious American tradition.
Chez: I honestly don't care that much. I live in California so I suppose I should go for the Niners. Of course there is that whole dislike-of-gays controversy, but I wouldn't let that tarnish my support for the entire team. Speaking of which, three members of the 49ers have now made anti-gay or potentially anti-gay comments. Jesus Christ, it's not like these guys play for Dallas. They play for fucking SAN FRANCISCO.
Bob: Is that who's playing? I was a 49ers fan for about two minutes in the early 1980s, so I'd be inclined to root for them. But not after Chris Culliver's remarks. At the end of the day, I don't worry too much about which group of multimillionaires on PEDs will lose their little ballgame. I know. I'm a dick.
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