by Ben Cohen
The brilliant, roving reporter Glenn Beck has spent the past few days uncovering the biggest conspiracy since Area 51. According to Beck and his minion of fact finders at Fox News, Barack Obama, the environmental lobby and black farmers are orchestrating a communist take over of government under a secret organization called the 'Apollo Alliance' (OK, it's not that secret, but Beck does a fine job of portraying it as the sinister, Stalin-esque organization it really is).
Always looking out for Joe Six Pack, Beck spent HOURS drawing a sophisticated diagram on a white board so people less intelligent than himself could understand it. Don't let anyone tell you Beck is a delusional, paranoid, half-baked nitwit. He's the modern reincarnation of Seymour Hersh, and if it weren't for him, Obama and his Communist cohorts would have already burnt America and all the white people in it to the ground.