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Please Put Down the Pencils

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By Chalan Moon

Permit me to pose a hypothetical scenario.  You and I are in a math
class together.  Outside of class, I admit to you that I am terrible at
math and need help understanding it.  Then, during an exam, you find
that you are doing terribly.  Do you cheat off my paper?  Do you ask me
for help?  No, right?

Then why in the hell are we listening to McCain regarding this
bailout package?  As recently as two weeks ago--TWO WEEKS!--President
Bush, Senator McCain and Secretary of Treasury Paulson avidly stated
that "the fundamentals of the United States economy are strong."  Even
Senator Obama is supporting this bill, heavily supported by Mr. Bush.
At this point, I support the exact opposite of what Bush says.  He has
marred not only our country, but the world's view of Americans.  I have
left the country three times and every single time I meet people of
varying nationalities and converse, they say something to the effect
of, 'I am surprised.  You are not like other Americans.  You are kind
and listen'.

What the hell happened?  My outrage is almost uncontainable.  Who
am I to vote for?  I clearly cannot vote for McCain for egregious
affronts on the efforts of humanity and moral accountability.  He
pushed me towards Obama.  And now I don't really want to vote for Obama
because of his inability to stand up and shout this outrage I find to
be so self-evident.  Seems to me I might as well just vote for Jon
Stewart.  Why would anyone want to support a bill heavily rushed to
vote by Bush?  He barely graduated college, failed as a governor of
Texas, and has left our country's constitution and reputation riddled
with more holes than his reported record.  And now we are expected to
believe that he can get us out of this mess?  Moreover, we are supposed
to heed the admonitions of McCain as serious?  He went from "need more
education on economics" to "I don't know where you got that quote."
Tim Russert got it from YOU!  I got it from you.  Did the world not get

When I was growing up, the President deserved its capital 'P'.  It
was a positions to be revered and respected.  Now I don't even know if
it deserves a period when abbreviated.  Truth is the government
perpetually refines their ability to control our minds through
the agendas of lobbyists, analysts, the media at large, they are all in
bed together.  It is no wonder Americans are befuddled beyond rational
thinking.  No matter how far I follow my studies, the references, the
voices of the people, I just can't escape the feeling no one knows what
they are doing.  Only seconds remain in the exam as everyone furiously
scratches down their answers, cheating and lying their way towards the
best grade they can deceivingly receive.  Unfortunately, we are
cheating off of men who told us they didn't know to begin with.

(Author's Note: I crunched some numbers.  The current population of
the U.S. is around 301 million people, 75% of which are 18 or older.
Subtracting incarcerated individuals and dividing $700 billion into
that number gives you approximately $3,500 dollars per person.  Want to
stimulate the economy?  Do it from the ground by giving it to the very
pillars holding up the crumbling roof of the NYSE: the American people.)