Early Tuesday morning Republicans Senate leaders convened a hasty vote on their new “Just Trust Us” bill. Although details of the bill are still sketchy Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell assured the American public that “this is what’s best for everyone. Just trust us.”
Using cardboard cut outs as stand ins for Senate Democrats, who uniformly voted in opposition to the bill, the “Just Trust Us” bill is seen as another major victory for the GOP who until recently has struggled with passing any legislation.
“The ‘Just Trust Us’ bill will change that dynamic,” said Mitch McConnell touting the new bill. “Once it passes the House… Oh wait there’s my good friend Speaker Ryan,” McConnell said as if on cue just as Paul Ryan walked up. “Let’s see if he has some good news.”
UPDATE - BREAKING NEWS: The House Passes “Just Trust Us” Bill
During a press conference hosted by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell touting the “Just Trust Us” bill Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced the same measure passed in the House just moments after.
Although no vote totals were given, or even a vote to have taken place Speaker Ryan said, “I want to assure the American People that the process of checks and balances, of transparency was followed to the letter. And once we have all the full details of what the ‘Just Trust Us’ Bill will entail we will make that public once it becomes a law…”
UPDATE - BREAKING NEWS: President Trump Signs “Just Trust Us” Bill into Law
In a steamrolled, errr streamlined process the Republicans signed into law the “Just Trust Us” bill after the President signed it into law this afternoon.
“This bill will ensure the transparency and efficiency of the Republican party remains in effect. No more will Americans have to endure the slow process of democracy, and pretending to care about what the Democrats think,” said Sarah Huckabee Sanders as she read a statement “written” by the President who followed up with his own remarks.
“This is a great day for America! Can you believe what you might’ve gotten with Hillary Clinton who by the way where is CNN with an expose on her? You’ll never see that, just like Mueller won’t investigate her e-mails,” said President Trump from a hole in a door from the Lincoln Bedroom.
While no official release of the “Just Trust Us” bill has been made available to the media, or the general public, through anonymous sources The Daily Banter has obtained a photo of the copy of the bill that is reportedly stored in the desk of a “Top Man” of the Trump Administration.