By Bob Cesca: There might come a time, men, when we’ll need one of the various erectile dysfunction remedies, be it Viagra or Cialis or Other New Penis Pill X. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with the existence of these pills nor in the responsible practice of taking them, either out of necessity or, you know, recreation.
The sad fact is that the increasingly poisonous foods and pollutants bombarding our bodies, along with record levels of obesity are reducing testosterone levels in men across the board, and, combined with the natural process of aging, it might become more and more difficult to get hard much less remain fertile and generally healthy. Whether it’s endocrine disruptors leaching into our water bottles, hormones in our meat, genetically modified organisms, chemical preservatives, artificial sweeteners, air and water pollution and stuff we haven’t even heard about yet, modern humans are fighting a battle between what we’re putting into our bodies and what we’re supposed to be able to do naturally — like maintaining normal hormone levels and so forth.
The irony is that we might need chemicals help to overcome the destructive impact of other chemicals that are rapidly poisoning us. In this sense, the food and drug companies have formed a mutually beneficial alliance — an axis of evil, if you will — keeping us sick and then delivering the cure. It’s almost unavoidable.
By the way, exercise and eating locally sourced foods, etc, can mitigate the quantity of poisons we consume, but we’re more or less surrounded on all sides. Navigating a grocery store, even with a healthy agenda, is like navigating a delicious mine field. Even if you eat well, there’s the water and air and pollution. There’s a wide variety of other attackers that prevent our bodies from behaving normally. And none of this takes into account the psychological issues we face these days with increasing stress levels, income inequality, demands for higher productivity while salaries remain stagnant. On and on and on.
All of this is to say, yes guys, the cards are stacked against us when it comes to keeping it hard and functioning normally.
Here’s the twist. As the Republican Party — half of the voting demographic in this country — continues to wage a legislative war against reproductive healthcare for women, in addition to being oppressive and misogynistic, the actions of Republicans could begin to demonize reproductive healthcare for men. Specifically, there have been several tongue-in-cheek laws introduced in state legislatures pushing back against Republican laws restricting birth control and abortion. Of course they’re never designed to pass, but they’re putting these man-meds into the crosshairs. And you know what? Maybe they should be.
Here’s Minnesota State Senator Paul Gazelka (R), the sponsor of a bill that restricts access to RU486, the morning-after pill.
“Viagra is a wonderful medical advancement in that can help couples with sexual disfunction issues…it can even help in producing life. RU486 always destroys life by taking the life of the unborn child.”
Utter nonsense. First of all, he misspelled “dysfunction” in his statement. Secondly, RU486 is most often used as an emergency contraceptive by preventing ovulation after sex. Thirdly, how exactly does Viagra create life? Sure, it enables an impotent man to have sex and to potentially fertilize an egg. But not every time. By Gazelka’s terms, maybe a doctor should be present for any and all sexual activity in Minnesota — you know, to make sure Viagra is being used without contraception, to make sure both sexual partners are fertile and to make sure the woman is ovulating. No life-creating intent, no Viagra.
In fact, a case could be made that Viagra destroys Republican sacred cows. In some scenarios it breaks up families by boosting a man’s mid-life crisis and allowing him to more fully re-enact his promiscuous youth, thus leading to divorce which, in turn, destroys the sanctity of marriage. It can also lead to unintended pregnancies and abortions just as well as it can lead to conception.
I’m not necessarily saying that the war against women will lead to a backlash war against men in the form of laws restricting ED meds or even the rising testosterone replacement products. But, again, while anti-birth control laws and anti-choice laws are hurting women, Republican men are also making themselves and, by proxy, a lot of other non-Republican men look ridiculous for our boner pills and testosto-gels. When and if the time comes, guys, we might want to have access to some of those products.
Seriously, Republican men, stop ruining it for the rest of us. Keep your puritanism to yourselves.