Whoops! Report Confirms Al-Qaeda Switched to New Encryption Software Post-Snowden

By May 09, 2014

The Wall Street Journal reports today that a “web intelligence” company called Recorded Future has determined that in the months following the initial NSA revelations by former contractor Edward Snowden, al-Qaeda operatives switched to new encryption software for the first time in seven years.

Sarah Palin Condescendingly Hopes Grandmahood Will ‘Open Hillary Clinton’s Eyes’ About Abortion

By May 09, 2014

“I know this is going to be controversial,” she says of her statements. Or not controversial enough given conservatives’ widespread appallingly sexist reaction to the announcement of Chelsea Clinton’s pregnancy.

Fox News Contributor Loses the Plot With Hilarious Huff Post/Jack Bauer Analogy

By May 09, 2014

A couple of days ago Fox News published something so brilliantly revealing of its white male, paranoid inferiority complex that it deserves to be etched into stone and studied by sociologists for decades to come.

The New Breed of Porn Commenters

By May 09, 2014

If you read today’s Morning Banter, you saw a double link to two “Of course there’s a tumblr for that” kind of websites, one called Spinning 3D Porn Hub Comments and the other Porn Hub Comments on Stock Photos; the kind of sites where you already know what, conceptually, will be at the other end of your mouse-click but the kind you visit anyway because #internet.

Quote of the Day: “Just this Once, You Shut Your F**king Mouth”

By May 08, 2014

Rebecca Schoenkopf asks Glenn Greenwald to kindly shut the fuck up about the kidnapped Nigerian girls he doesn’t care about.

Did Raw Story Just Slander Tucker Carlson?

By May 07, 2014
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Raw Story wrote an incredibly trolly headline about Tucker Carlson, and it could be slanderous.

Why We Need to Appreciate the Zen of “Dude”

By May 07, 2014

He’s using it as a tool, and essentially a last resort, to help keep some basic level of rational understanding and common sense to an argument and line of questioning that was — and let’s use our common sense when letting this word hit our trained-to-be-overreactive brains — a little unfair.

5 People Worse Than Donald Sterling Who Still Own Sports Teams

By May 06, 2014

Now that Donald Sterling is out and our backs have turned red from the constant back-patting we’ve been giving ourselves, maybe it’s time we take the proactive approach, and actively search out and exterminate the terrible people who own and run our favorite sports teams.

THE MORNING BANTER: Nigerian Schoolgirls, Apple Shares, 60 Minutes, and Weird Al in Star Wars

By May 06, 2014

Happy Tuesday! Let’s just all take one collective sigh before we get going. Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

What They’re Saying In Them Rap Songs, A Visualization

By May 05, 2014

A man named Matt Daniels, in an act that can only be seen as a selfless gift to mankind, took the first 35,000 words of a slew of artists’ material and analyzed that data for its lyrical diversity. He also included Shakespeare and Herman Melville as data-point benchmarks…

Life and Other Four Letter Words: P O R N

By May 05, 2014

Porn is about fantasy, but it’s set in the real world and made to feel as probable as possible. So then why are men’s fantasies about women so fucking horrible; what’s wrong with men that want to jerk off over cruelty?

How To Make Sure You’re Not Supporting Monsanto (Who Might Be Giving You Cancer)

By May 05, 2014

If you hate global biotech corporate beast Monsanto — and as well you should — nonprofit Food Democracy Now! has a clever way for you to fight back against the corporation.

Too Long; Didn’t Read: Questlove on “How Hip-Hop Failed Black America”

By May 02, 2014

Reading is hard. Having to plow through entire paragraphs is actually a mental exercise. To help out, we’re resurrecting a now-recurring segment where we give you the Cliffs Notes version of some of the best writing out there on the interweb.

The Best Insults, Offensive Statements, and Inanity To Ever Come Out Of North Korea

By April 28, 2014

The Telegraph reports that comments issued on Sunday by the Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of Korea (CPRK), the North’s state-run KCNA news agency, labelled South Korean leader Park Geun-hye a “crafty prostitute” under the control of “a powerful pimp,” our own Barack Obama. The statement added that Pyongyang is prepared for “an all-out nuclear battle”.

An Outsider’s Guide to Internet Love Hormones

By April 28, 2014

If you’re a regular Banter reader, you might have noticed our story, “That Which Will Not Go Away,” aka “10 OkCupid Profile ‘Don’ts’ to Heed If You Actually Want to Get Laid,” in our trending stories sidebar for lo several months now. But you’re probably unaware that the comments section of the story has been blitzkrieged by spambots probing for valid email addresses with promises of romantic reconciliation with lovers who have cast you aside. I.e., love potions.

Drake’s Lasting Legacy

By April 23, 2014
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Never trust a man that brings a lint roller to a basketball game…

Seth Rogen Smacks Down Nancy Grace, Speaks for the Entire Nation

By April 17, 2014
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Nancy Grace went off on one of her usual unhinged rants on Twitter, but Seth Rogen wasn’t having any of it.

Blood Moon Lunacy: How Televangelist John Hagee is Trying to Bring on Armageddon

By April 15, 2014

Not only does Hagee preach that the end of the world is nigh, he is actively working to make it so.