We Translated Bristol Palin's Attack on Hillary Clinton's Maternity Leave Proposal So You Don't Have to

Jesus this was stupid...
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Ben Cohen
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Jesus this was stupid...
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For the most part, we've left Bristol Palin well alone here at Banter despite her mother's best efforts to parade her and her family in front of the media at any given opportunity. Bristol was a child when her mother decided to run for President, and the press wasn't particularly kind to her when she became pregnant at 17, despite coming from an 'abstinence only' family. 

We've lived by the mantra that you don't attack teenagers in the press, no matter what their parents have done. Bristol Palin is now 25 though, and fair game. 

In an article superseded in stupidity by her mother's facebook rants, Bristol argued that Hillary Clinton's maternity leave proposal is unworkable and unAmerican because, well, socialism or something. 

Bristol's amazing lack of self awareness is perhaps the most galling part of her poorly worded screed, but the breathless confidence she displays asserting 'facts' with zero evidence is also incalculably irritating. She writes:

Last week, I was sitting at my desk, working hard, when I came across Hillary Clinton’s latest campaign talking point. Her latest way to steal our freedoms and crush our businesses involved something near and dear to my heart – family and motherhood.

And I was blown away. I shook my head in awe of this stupidity.

Honestly, I’m not a political expert but I do have common sense. And motherhood, working hard, and small businesses are things that are key to my family and my life.

Hillary’s proposed plan guarantees 12 weeks of paid family and medical leave to care for a new child or seriously ill family member. Beyond this government mandate, it also mandates that the person taking leave get at least 2/3 of their current wages. It claims to impose no additional costs on small businesses. How is this even possible?

It’s going to “make the wealthy” pay “their fair share.” Whatever these words mean… which usually just means justifying socialist policies that harm hard workers.

Trump’s latest plan also would mandate six weeks of paid leave, but it has nothing on Hillary’s. I would love to see private businesses be able to voluntarily offer this tremendous, unheard of benefit, but never should we support government forcing this uneconomic, unrealistic boondoggle. 

Let's translate: 

I, Bristol Palin, work hard, and I don't know much about anything, but Hillary Clinton hates freedom and motherhood because she wants to destroy jobs and women by giving them time off work. 

Hillary Clinton's plan won't work because she has no plan to pay for it, other than taxing the wealthy that will actually pay for it. But it won't actually work because what do those words mean anyway? That's just socialism. 

Hillary's plan is also unrealistic because it isn't about free markets. Even though every country on the planet other than Lesotho, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea have extensive, guaranteed, paid maternity leave, the US can't because it is socialism and 'spreading the wealth'. 

Next, Palin wrote this: 

Does Hillary Clinton plan to enforce this latest mandate on every single business? Even the small businesses that truly make this country great and employ most of our people?

How does she plan on putting all of this in effect?

I think of my husband, who owns a construction company, and how much that would affect his business.

I think of the small doctor’s office I have been employed by for the last seven years, and I think of how much something like this would change us here.

My husband and I were talking, and figuring out the math and logistics behind this, and here is a basic way to look at Hillary’s proposed plan.

If this was in effect – and say I make approximately $60,000.00 (easiest math) and I had a baby. That is AT LEAST $9,200.00 and 12 weeks off of work that I would be “guaranteed” to have with Hillary’s plan.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?????!!!!! Where is this money going to be coming from? I know I will get bashed for this, but no one deserves that! I have been at my job for over seven years now, and I was thrilled to have even two weeks paid vacation time to use toward my month long “maternity” leave. Where is the common sense in any of these plans? Where is the connection to reality? 

Translation:

I done some math, and figured out that it would cost a lot of money to pay me while on maternity leave. Where is this money coming from, other than the tax on the ultra wealthy that would quite easily cover it, as it does in almost every other industrialized democracy on earth? I can't understand it, so therefore it doesn't make sense

Palin continued:

We should all be capitalists!! We need to get back to the basics. We need to work and not feel entitled to everything in life. We live in a world where everyone is looking for a crutch, where we compare everything to every other person and what they have, and trust me, I can be guilty of this at times too.

But when we keep up this “poor me” attitude and an attitude of entitlement, our country will go nowhere but down. And we have been going down fast! I look at what my kids will be growing up with, and what their society will be EXPECTING, and it really does leave me speechless.

All of these people yelling everything from “free birth control” to “free college.” Do they not realize that when things are guaranteed, the prices actually go up, and all of our taxes go up along with it in order to pay for it? Where is the work ethic? Where is the incentive to do it on your own?

This is just further proof that Hillary Clinton wants to continue to “spread the wealth” just like Obama’s main plan was – make us all EQUAL no matter what our work ethic really is.

This goes beyond maternity leave plans, or medical leave plans. It’s a bigger issue than all of that. We need to get back to the basics as a country and we as Americans need to realize not everything in life should be handed to you.

Translation:

Go capitalism! It's the best! Even if it forces women to hand over their babies to strangers a few days after birth and do untold damage to a child's development, who cares? Money is the most important thing in life anyway, and all you lazy women without rich parents to bail you out should be working rather than raising your kids. Plus, raising taxes on the rich to pay for things like college, birth control and health care means prices go up, even if there is no evidence that it does.  Me and my husband think it does, because we did some math. 

It's good to see Bristol Palin carrying on the family tradition!

photo credit: Flickr