Watch This Fox News Lady Get Comically Excited About Chick-Fil-A

I won't have what she's having.
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I won't have what she's having.
Janice Dean

Janice Dean

Fox Nation is a weird and fascinating place, if you can quell the rage it inspires in you. Think of it as an acid trip by someone with a terrible imagination who would normally never take drugs. On Saturday morning, for example, in between obsessing about President Obama flashing a peace sign at a nuclear summit (monster!), the Fox and Friends Saturday crew took time out to check in on the newly-opened Chick-Fil-A across the street.

Now, we all know why Fox is shilling for the establishment, but once you get past why they're doing it, you can convulse yourself laughing at how they did it: by sending ridiculously excited Chick-Fil-A virgin Janice Dean out on a live shot that would make a coked-up birthday party clown tell her to tone it down. Here are the highlights:

That's the short-attention-span version, but the full shitshow is also worth a look, if only for the priceless double-box reaction shots, and for Tucker Carlson waxing patriotic about how the restaurant doesn't use any "foreign" spelling of the word "filet," which is actually also spelled that way in English:

Also of interest and deserving of internet fame is a stunning bit of dumb shit that puts the normal amount of Fox News dumb shit to shame. During a dumb-shit-laden panel discussion on the minimum wage and the FCC's expansion of internet for the poor, designated conservative derp-spewer Kmele Foster of "Free Think Media" said something even dumber that the rest of the dumb shit he was saying, namely that poor people don't need internet because...

If you stop laughing long enough, here's the survey Foster was talking about, and here's the full segment of derping about the minimum wage. Let me know which argument is your favorite: