North Carolina Governor Thinks Voting is the Same as Cooking Meth

Therefore, we need Voter ID. Get it? No?
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Therefore, we need Voter ID. Get it? No?

North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory appears to be a true believer when it comes to crimes that don't exist. 

As we've all been following recently, McCrory signed HB2 into law, which effectively bans transgender citizens from using public restrooms appropriate to their gender identity. 

Why the urgency? According to McCrory and his fellow GOP paranoiacs, they believe non-discrimination laws, such as the ones that are on the books in 17 states and 225 cities, are open invitations for perverted men to disguise themselves as women in order to spy on little girls while they're peeing.

How often has this happened as a consequence of non-discrimination laws? Exactly zero times. But the GOP has been so ridiculously vocal about the possibility, it's effectively implanted the idea into the discourse, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In addition to the fake epidemic of men posing as transgender women, McCrory happens to also buy into the nonexistent voter fraud problem. To be clear, there's plenty of election fraud, but voter fraud, in which voters pose as other people or vote multiple times, also doesn't exist. The most commonly referenced statistic comes from a Bush administration investigation from 2002-2005 that showed a voter fraud rate of 0.00000013 percent -- statistically nonexistent.

Nevertheless, a federal judge ruled on Monday to uphold North Carolina's Voter ID law. Commenting on the ruling, McCrory said this week that voting is kind of like cooking meth, and we should apply Voter ID laws the same way Sudafed can't be purchased without an ID. Get it? 

“This ruling further affirms that requiring a photo ID in order to vote is not only common-sense, it’s constitutional,” said Governor McCrory. “Common practices like boarding an airplane and purchasing Sudafed require photo ID and thankfully a federal court has ensured our citizens will have the same protection for their basic right to vote.”  

Here's the thing. Buying Sudafed or boarding an airplane aren't constitutional rights enumerated in our founding documents. Unlike flying, voting isn't a luxury reserved strictly for citizens who can afford it; it's a right that belongs to everyone regardless of socioeconomic status, age, race or infirmity. Duh. Obviously. So, it should be really easy and hassle-free to cast a ballot -- easier than buying drugs or navigating an airport. It should certainly be easier than buying a gun, which Republicans are actively trying to make even easier than it already is.

Regardless, McCrory needs to stop dreaming up new crimes to be thwarted and instead focus on things that are really damaging American democracy like money in politics, the climate crisis, election fraud and disenfranchisement. These are real and verifiable issues -- the climate crisis in particular given that North Carolina is a coastal state that's reliant upon tourism at the beaches. But the crisis, with its 97 percent scientific consensus, is clearly fake, according to McCrory, while voter fraud and bathroom perv-outs are real. On the bright side, maybe I can make some extra cash by selling McCrory some robot insurance. You know, because robots are strong.