Translating Sarah Palin's Ridiculous Obama 'Death Panels' Facebook Rant

America's favorite moose huntin', truth tellin', bible readin' hockey mom wants you to know that Obama's "DEATH PANELS [ARE] STILL NOT DEAD" . Here's our translation of the epic word salad she left us on facebook.
Avatar:
Ben Cohen
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
388
America's favorite moose huntin', truth tellin', bible readin' hockey mom wants you to know that Obama's "DEATH PANELS [ARE] STILL NOT DEAD" . Here's our translation of the epic word salad she left us on facebook.
Sarah Palin

America's favorite moose huntin', truth tellin', bible readin' hockey mom wants you to know that Obama's "DEATH PANELS [ARE] STILL NOT DEAD" (notice the alarming caps). In a rambling facebook rant posted yesterday, Palin attacked the Obama administration for reviving its proposal to reimburse physicians for offering counseling to their Medicare patients on how they would want to be cared for as death approaches.

To be clear, the Department of Health and Human Services proposal would not require patients to sign anything or receive counseling if they did not want it, but it would allow medical providers to bill Medicare for "advance-care planning" if they wanted it. So the notion of it resembling a DEATH PANEL is so inconceivably stupid it does not warrant paying any attention to.

Sadly, a good percentage of the country will take it seriously, thus making it important enough to spend at least a few minutes debunking it for the utter horse crap it is. So without further ado, here's The Daily Banter's handy translation of Sarah Palin's latest epic word salad:

---

DEATH PANELS STILL NOT DEAD

Politicians just don't get it. Their "Death Panels" still won't die. Last night Obamacare masterminds decided they'll pay healthcare providers for vulnerable patients' "end-of-life” plans. Remember that's the strange, intrusive, unaffordable, and unnecessary scheme that was actually stripped from Obamacare five years ago, once we "found out what's in it." So now that part of this socialistic healthcare takeover is back, but yesterday's decision isn't the entire point here.

Translation: I don't get what advance care planning is, or "what's in it", but if I use the words "Death Panel" and "Socialism"you lot will get agitated and hate that Muslim in power. 

Be clear, media. Think. Do your homework. Remember when coining “death panel” I focused on the dangers of rationing healthcare services – as it's the inevitable result of any government takeover of healthcare. I was right about this then, and I’m still right about it today. Do your dang homework – you've even admitted I was right, so don't claim I'm "universally discredited" on it. Got it? In fact, even democrats now agree about “death panel" dangers they've found in Obamacare – specifically in the role that unelected, faceless bureaucrats on the Independent Payment Advisory Board (IPAB) will play in determining who will get government's limited supply of care, whose care will be covered, and they'll dangerously decide who will be denied.

Translation: Read. Think. Listen and lern all y'all in the librul meeja! After you've done your dang homework you'll realize I'm lying through my teeth, but given no one takes me seriously other than y'all on facebook I won't get called on this. There are no death panels, it's completely voluntary and supported by both Democrats and Republicans and incredibly important to the elderly. But whatever! Just remember, they are DEATH PANELS. 

Media coverage of my position on this is skewed; as usual they got it wrong. I'm calling you out, L.A. Times. You underestimate the wisdom of the people with your claim that I'm "discredited."

Here's my response to one of your colleague's questions last night about the death panels:

Ms. Reporter - thanks for asking. On the record:

There's no denying that the ultimate fix for Obamacare's unsustainable, unaffordable promises is rationed care. Rationed care decided upon by a panel of faceless bureaucrats who, rational people like me will argue, will measure a person's worth using disagreeable criteria as they justify doling out limited government-controlled care. That, my friend, is a death panel.

Translation: If I string a lot of official sounding words together and end it with "death panel" you'll get there's some sort of correlation. 

1. Does this still concern you as possibly leading to death panels or encouraging doctors to deny care to save costs?

It doesn’t just lead to “death panels” it confirms even further that this “Affordable Care Act” is nothing of the sort, and more importantly it just affords government permission to deny care. This decision does not take into consideration the importance of every individual, nor the sanctity of life, as many of us have said for years. Certainly, all patients and families should be advised of options, but we engage in that today and we don't need government bribing any party to do so. See, Obamacare is about unnecessary government intervention and, ultimately, it's all about government control. Government needs to stay the hell out of our "end-of-life" discussions. I'm so angry at democrat and republican politicians who just rolled their eyes when I, and many others, rose up with warnings that each step forward taken by champions of this socialist program would jerk back two steps from every free American and our God-given rights. Life is not about the almighty dollar and someone's arbitrary decisions about who deserves rationed health care; life is sacred because it's provided by our Creator and in itself deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. Speaking of dollars, a bloated bureaucracy and weak-kneed politicians sent millions of Americans into financial distress, unseen in history, with this leftist scheme called Obamacare.

Translation: Even though the Affordable Care Act forces insurance companies to cover people with pre-existing conditions, ends arbitrary withdrawals of insurance coverage, prohibits lifetime limits on benefits and greatly expands care people are entitled to, I'm gonna use words like "sanctity of life," "God," and "Sacred" because all y'all Christians will side with me without doing any actual fact checking. God is good!

2. Do you have any concerns about doctors and nurse practitioners being paid or encouraged to have end-of-life planning questions?

Concerns? More than concerns! For anyone who's had health issues – from welcoming the blessing of a new life, to the frightening and unfortunate aspects of life – answering a government questionnaire that will be judged by faceless bureaucrats just doesn’t cut it. The Hippocratic Oath taken by our care providers is one of the oldest, most sacred binding oaths, and through any iterations it has never condoned the taking of innocent life through lack of care, and certainly not via direct action. If you've recently received care then you know the many intrusive, personal questions that government mandates a provider probe. Be aware that most of these questions are for the benefit of a far-away, bankrupt government, they're not for the benefit of the patient. It is happening in our assisted living facilities, our nursing homes, hospitals, doctors’ offices, and schools, despite many providers who disagree with the mandate but are forced or coerced to provide answers to the death panel of the fed.

- Sarah Palin

Translation: I'm gonna keep on spittin' out these words even if they don't make any sense or have a single shred of evidence to back them up! Even though the entire point of my argument is irrelevant given advanced care planning is voluntary and an added benefit to patients, I'm gonna keep sayin' it because government and bureaucrats are bad, and filling out forms is really about death panels.