Dear George Bush, Kindly F*ck Off and Leave Foreign Policy to the Grown Ups

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Ben Cohen
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Dear George Bush,

It has come to our attention that you have been expressing views on foreign policy again, 7 years after you left the White House. Apparently you think president Obama's deal with Iran was a bad one, and as the New York Times reports, "Questioned whether it was wise to lift sanctions against Tehran when the Islamic government seemed to be caving in, and suggested that the United States risked losing leverage if it did so." Amongst other topics discussed, you weighed in on leading America ("you gotta mean it", you apparently said) and how you would respond to the growth of ISIS (more war no doubt..).

While your views were expressed in front of a closed-door Republican Jewish Coalition, you presumably understood that these quotes would be transmitted to the public. Given you have injected yourself back into the national conversation, we feel it is in the interests of public safety to urge you to kindly fuck off and leave foreign policy and issues of leadership to the grown ups.

What do we mean by 'the grown ups'? Broadly speaking, this means literally anyone other than you - postmen, teachers, trash collectors etc etc. More narrowly we mean the people in government now, including the president who seems to actually think through his actions and consider the consequences - the complete and total opposite of your modus operandi. Take for example, your foray into Iraq. Had you invested in 2/3hours of research on the internet rather than listened to the clique of rabid neo cons in your government, you would have understood that Saddam Hussein was the only thing preventing civil war in Iraq and the Middle East in general (Hussein was a major bulwark against Iran, the country you now believe has become too powerful). Invading then trying to set up a sham democracy with a neo liberal economic agenda may have worked on a country filled with 2 year olds, but not on one of the oldest civilizations on the planet. Maybe if you had thought about that before invading, the region wouldn't be in the mess it's in right now.

There is no need to go into too much detail about the other spectacular disasters you presided over, but it is safe to say that your presidency will be remembered as one gigantic stain on the nation's history - from allowing an entire city to go underwater after defunding the federal government's disaster relief budget, to relaxing regulation on Wall St to the point where the entire global economy teetered on the edge of total destruction, it truly was one remarkable legacy of failure after failure after failure. It wasn't just a bad presidency, it was a fucking atrocious one.

However, if you had weighed in on pretty much any other issue, there would have been no need to pen this letter. Your thoughts on the environment, gay rights, education etc etc are childish and generally offensive and stupid, but they did not define your presidency so markedly. It is specifically your record on foreign policy that merited this letter/public service announcement. You broke Iraq, Afghanistan and pretty much the entire Middle East, and were too stupid to fix it. If a monkey had been making decisions based on random hand movements there would have been a better outcome. Instead you made the least productive, least competent, most dangerous decisions over and over again.

Hopefully this is the last time you decide to air your thoughts on foreign policy in any semi public forum, because sincerely, no one cares what you have to say about anything - particularly this.

Many thanks for your time,

Ben and the team at Banter