Bill O'Reilly Has a F*cked Up Murder-Obsessed Mind

Bill O'Reilly thinks of nothing but murder all day.
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Bill O'Reilly thinks of nothing but murder all day.
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When it was revealed that Bill O'Reilly probably lied about killings he'd seen while reporting on the Falklands War, I couldn't help but yawn as people lost their minds. After all, O'Reilly's been lying on Fox News every night at 8 p.m. for the last 19 years. So when Mother Jones blew the whistle and reported that O'Reilly was probably full of it 33 years ago in South America, the natural response was to shrug my shoulders and ask, "Why is this news?"

But the most disturbing thing about the Falklands report, as well as the revelations that O'Reilly likely lied about witnessing the killings of a figure in the JFK assassination and nuns in El Salvador, isn't that O'Reilly lied. We know O'Reilly lies. A lot. What's disturbing is that these lies are symptoms of O'Reilly's obsession with murder.

Consider the above lies in the context of some the 47,000 crappy books he's written:

Killing Lincoln

Killing Kennedy

Killing Jesus

Killing Patton

Then there's O'Reilly's classic mystery, Those Who Trespass: A Novel of Television and Murder:

"One by one, high-level executives and correspondents are being murdered. Soon it becomes clear that the killings are linked, the work of a bitter former newsman exacting revenge on those who derailed his career. Tommy O’Malley, a tough but warmhearted New York City detective, is assigned to crack the widening, high-profile murder cases, but encounters competition from a beautiful and tenacious tabloid reporter, Ashley Van Buren. As the story unfolds, Tommy and Ashley quickly discover they’ve got much more in common than a knack for solving crimes."

Did someone say.... murder?

By the way, Those Who Trespass doubles as erotica, as this wonderful description of cunnilingus demonstrates:

"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

Armed with these formidable writing skills, O'Reilly is working on his next masterpiece, Killing Literature.