Mike Huckabee wants to run for president again for some reason, and he has his sights set on one crowd that he's had some trouble reaching as a white, middle-aged Republican man: The Youths. For his new book, God, Guns, Grits and Gravy -- which sounds like a rejected recipe from The Pioneer Woman -- Huckabee did one Google search to find out what the kids like these days and discovered the musical phenomenon that is Beyoncé and Jay-Z. And then I guess he sat down and watched the power couple's performance of "Drunk in Love" at the Grammys last year and this caused his brain to have thoughts. That's where Huckabee's Folly should have ended, but it didn't. He wrote about those thoughts. To reach the kids? Let's see how he did:
"My reaction: Why?" he writes. "Beyoncé is incredibly talented — gifted, in fact. She has an exceptional set of pipes and can actually sing. She is a terrific dancer — without the explicit moves best left for the privacy of her bedroom. Jay-Z is a very shrewd businessman, but I wonder: Does it occur to him that he is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object?"
Okay, so, a few questions:
2. What does this have to do with God, Guns, Grits or Gravy?
3. Even if I give Huckabee the benefit of the doubt and he honestly wanted to watch the video because he heard the song had a good beat and you could dance to it, why did he think to write about the First Couple of Hip Hop in his book about being a Southern conservative, white Republican? Did someone ask him what he thought? Why? Did he forget he was part of this family portrait?
This is a picture of people who are the least likely to listen to "Drunk in Love" on purpose, let alone publish a written opinion about it. The dog is more likely to do any of those things, and that dog is dead. (Probably.) So, my question really is how in the world did Huckabee find this video in the first place? And if he happened upon the Grammys when it aired, what made him think that it would be a good idea to be a middle-aged white Republican talking about youth culture in public? George H.W. Bush tried this in 1992. It really didn't work out too well for him, right Chez?
Besides the racist undertones of the "pimp" comment, which is what makes this excerpt pretty bad all by itself, I find it really icky that Mike Huckabee is talking about Beyoncé's "explicit moves" and then judging them by saying they should remain in the bedroom. Again, a few questions. Actually, just one question in the form of a comment:
GROSS, STOP. Stop talking about Beyoncé's sexy dancing, it's sooooo embarrassing. This is like talking to my dad about my period. It's just… GLGH. NO.
And while we're at it, here are a few more things that I hope I never hear Huckabee talking about ever:
1. Anything to do with women. Any women. At all. That especially includes Beyoncé and all pregnant women, even more especially if Beyoncé is a pregnant woman again. Any mention of anything related to women is still way too close to vagina-comfort for Huckabee.
2. Anything related to today's pop culture zeitgeist. There is only room for one "Huckabee" in here, and it's a work of fiction, as it should be.
3. Running for president. I know he's doing it, but I just wish he'd stop and just keep getting buckets of money to say stupid things on Fox News. He was smart enough to do this in 2012, why can't he just do that now?
4. The word "pimp." Never again, Huckabee. Seriously. You can't get in this club. You can't. Ever.
I see what he's doing here. He wants to get in on this conversation that all the cool kids are having, but like that smartass in every group of friends, Huckabee needs to be the contrarian, the anti. In this case, he wants to take the Obamas down a notch by saying, "Hey, I like your friends, the snazzy singers from the hip hops, but…"
You're not cool enough for this, Huckabee. I don't care if you're in a band. You know who else is in a band? The Holderness Family. And they stopped.