The Florida State Holiday Display Has Been Totally Hijacked By Satanists and Assorted Weirdos

Satan Claus is coming to town in Florida. And he's not even the strangest thing that will be at this year's state capitol holiday display.
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Satan Claus is coming to town in Florida. And he's not even the strangest thing that will be at this year's state capitol holiday display.
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(Photo: Democrat Files)

He's big and red and, if you've been bad, he's bringing you something you're really not going to like. This Christmas, Satan Claus is coming to town, or at least to Tallahassee (which is kind of like hell anyway).

Last week, possibly the greatest ongoing troll campaign in the contiguous 48, the Satanic Temple, threatened to sue the state of Florida for the right to place a holiday display inside the state capitol. The group demanded equal billing alongside all the other religious tchotchkes that will be littering up the place in honor of the season, particularly since its requests were rebuffed last year.

Thing is, the Satanic Temple has now dropped its suit -- and that's because Florida gave in and will allow the group to come and join in the state's reindeer games. What this means is that there's going to be a diorama of an angel falling into a pit of fire sitting in the middle of the Florida State Capitol in a few days as a nice little Merry Christmas from a group of self-proclaimed Satanists. On the other hand, for a little while, Rick Scott will be the second most demonic thing in the building.

In an official statement, Satanic Temple leader and apparent real-life Tyler Durden Lucien Greaves said, "In a nation that respects religious liberty, viewpoint discrimination is simply intolerable. For that reason, we feel our holiday display sends a very important, affirmative message that goes above and beyond that of superficial season's greetings."

For the past couple of years the New York-based Satanic Temple has been a big old spear in the side of Christian hypocrites who push for the violation of the barrier between church-and-state but only for their religion. The group wanted to put a giant statue of Baphomet next to the (recently destroyed) Ten Commandments monument at the Oklahoma state house. It also targeted Florida previously, when it planned to begin passing out a workbook called The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities in Orange County schools because the district had chosen to allow a Christian organization to hand out Bibles. Basically, wherever there are arrogant, myopic Christians unwittingly creating a loophole in the separation of church and state, the Satanic Temple will be there to worm its way through it and expose their folly.

But none of this is even the best part of the story. About those other religious displays being granted space at the capitol: they include not only your average nativity scenes and whatnot, but an altar created to its noodly appendaged deity by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a possible banner from the American Atheists, a Festivus pole and, potentially, a giant can of PBR worshipped by a blogger from Deerfield Beach. In other words, the whole thing is going to be a completely insane fucking farce. In other words, it's going to be exactly what you'd expect from Florida.