Your Obligatory 2014 Black Friday Shopping Melee Porn

The only thing better than feeling superior by staying home on Black Friday is doing so while watching other tryptophan-addled idiots wrestle each other for hot deals.
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The only thing better than feeling superior by staying home on Black Friday is doing so while watching other tryptophan-addled idiots wrestle each other for hot deals.
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The day after Thanksgiving has evolved into a corporate-sponsored consumer holiday called "Black Friday," which has, itself, spawned a corporate media holiday that fills it's gaping news hole with hours of Black Friday coverage, including "news" segments about all the stuff you could be out there buying, or waiting for "Cyber Monday" to buy. This year's model features the added wrinkle of a proposed boycott in Ferguson, and the attendant show of force by police and National Guard, coverage of which helpfully pads out a slow news day. While nothing happened at the Ferguson big box stores that CNN has staked out, and there have thankfully been no fatalities reported this year, Black Friday shoppers did not disappoint.

To be clear, I'm not one of those people who tut at businesses for daring to be open on Thanksgiving, although I do think they should do their best to accommodate family plans. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas are great times to make extra money, as good businesses will pay time and-a-half, or even double time. I also don't think there's anything wrong with event shopping, if that's what you're into. It can be fun.

But I think we can all agree that the folks who devolve into a massive human clusterfuck every year, and the retailers who encourage the behavior with things called "doorbusters," are worthy of scorn. For your viewing pleasure, here are some of the best Youtube videos of Black Friday mayhem this year, many if which you'll see in heavy rotation on your favorite news channel.

Not What We Mean By "Get a Grip"

Police had to pull shoppers off of each other as they clutched at a ginormous Samsung TV, and even had to throw down one guy who looked like he was trying to make a baby with it:

Suited Up

Shoppers at this Indiana Walmart wore appropriate garb for this annual contact sport, as they fight for a set of sweet speakers to go with that TV from the other clip:

Chivalry Is Not Dead, But Kinda Is

This guy scores a sweet TV, but then wades back into the pile, shoving women and men aside, to retrieve his lucky lady friend:

British Invasion

Sorry, Ben, but it looks like Black Friday madness has infected your homeland, even though you guys don't actually even have a Thanksgiving. Here are shoppers at a London ASDA store (or "Asda's," as the locals call it) stampeding into the UK's equivalent of Walmart:

British Invasion Too

Or rioting over underwear at Victoria's Secret:

If videos like this are your cup of tea (or eggnog), you can find many more like it at the Black Friday Fights Youtube page. Happy Holidays!