PETA’s Repugnant Offer To Desperate Detroit Is Exactly Why Everybody Hates Them

There are three types of people in America: those who despise PETA, those who will inevitably despise PETA at some point, and insufferable assholes. PETA is in some ways the most execrably nihilistic group within the activist left simply because it genuinely doesn’t give a damn about people. It cares about animals and only animals, at every turn putting their needs head and shoulders above the needs of actual human beings and the personal crises they might be enduring in groups or as a species. If you or I happen to reap a reward in one of PETA’s obnoxious campaigns in support of animal rights — such as its ongoing disingenuous push to get people to go vegan because it’s supposedly healthy for them — it’s completely incidental, since the intended beneficiaries of PETA’s efforts are always animals.

PETA’s founder, Ingrid Newkirk, is, after all, the same woman who once wrote Yassir Arafat to plead with him to stop using donkeys in suicide bombing attacks (while ignoring the people he was killing). She’s the same person who backs the terrorist Animal Liberation Front in its campaign to free research animals, despite the fact that much of this research saves human lives every single day. She’s the same person who wants to ban seeing-eye dogs and the one who says fish should be called “sea kittens.” She’s someone who believes, “The smallest form of life, even an ant or a clam, is equal to a human being.” In other words, she’s a fucking militant lunatic. And the group she heads, in keeping with its lack of human understanding, seems to have decided that the way to win public support is through PR stunts that rely on condescension, antagonism, and conspiracy theories.

Which brings us to the latest of these. Earlier in the week we told you about the City of Detroit’s plan to shut water service off to as many as 100,000 residents because they simply can’t afford to pay their bills. This is happening as the city’s water utility is raising its prices to double the national average. The situation is so bad and so systemic that even the United Nations is calling the problem a human rights emergency. Chew on that for a moment: a human rights emergency within the United States of America. Well, riding in to the rescue of these desperate families living in a city that can barely sustain itself comes PETA with an offer that would be comical if it weren’t so insulting and didn’t smack so much of the first-world, tone-deaf, white-people condescension PETA is legendary for.

Put it this way: you barely have money to exist and things have gotten so bad for you that you run the risk of losing access to water, so what you really need now is to go vegan! PETA is offering to pay the water bills of some of Detroit’s destitute residents if and only if they make a commitment to give up animal food products.

Behold this announcement from PETA’s blog on Thursday:

With jobs in Detroit disappearing, many residents are struggling. As they’re forced to choose which bills to pay, the Detroit Water and Sewerage Department has chosen for them―shutting off water and leaving many people high and dry. The department put the shutoffs on a temporary hiatus, but people’s water bills are mounting. So with the help of a generous PETA member, we have come up with one small way to assist Detroit residents and save animals, too.

Thanks to this donor, PETA will be able to pay off the water bills for 10 families who commit to going vegan for one month. We’ll also help them get started by giving each family a basket of healthy vegan foods and recipes.

The last thing that people who are struggling need is increased health-care costs. By accepting our offer to go vegan, not only will families be getting an immediate financial boost and helping animals, if they stick with it, they’ll also lower their risk of obesity, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and strokes.

Ready to have some tasty vegan food and a check delivered to your Detroit home? Send your most recent overdue water bill and your pledge to go vegan to…

No, I’m not going to show you where you can sign up, because, well, fuck PETA and their white-knight patronizing.

It practically goes without saying that if you can’t keep the water on in your family’s home you damn sure don’t have the time or money to concern yourself with going fucking vegan. This is especially true when you consider that many neighborhoods in Detroit don’t have access to the foods necessary to maintain a strict vegan diet. It would be great to be flip and snarky about what PETA is proposing but the reality is that it’s so unbelievably offensive that it’s hard to find any kind of humor in it at all. Affluent and middle class white hipsters almost literally dangling a check — and “some tasty vegan food” — over the heads of minority residents of a dying metropolitan area in the name of saving the lives of animals is just another example of the people on the hill showing them where they rank on their priority chart.

The ability to go vegan is the ultimate first-world luxury and whether or not to obsess over it is the ultimate first-world dilemma. That luxury and that dilemma are things many people living under the specter of absolute collapse in Detroit can’t even begin to fathom. But to PETA, again, nothing is as important as the lives and health of animals. The fact that one-seventh of Detroit’s population is being treated like animals is of no consequence, apparently. Actually, these people wish they could be regarded as highly as PETA regards animals.

They’re about to be told they can’t have water, what should be a basic human right in the United States, but PETA is proving again that it doesn’t care about human rights — only animal rights. They’re lucky to get any decent food they can and PETA just suggested a militantly exclusionary diet. “Let them eat vegan,” the group is saying. Where have we heard something like that before?

  • Rationalla

    They aren’t really friends to animals, either. They want to render domestic animals extinct and have no qualms about putting them to death rather than see them live with people.

  • sbirdy

    Take the money and pay your bills and eat whatever works with your budget. The geniuses at PETA won’t know the difference. This is just an advertising gimmick for them, another way to get to shout at the world through the media.
    Take the money and run.

  • bsaunders

    Heck – check out their record on animals sometime. Not so good either. They want to eradicate pets.

  • Christopher Foxx

    Earlier in the week we told you about the City of Detroit’s plan to shut water service off to as many as 100,000 residents because they simply can’t afford to pay their bills.

    Not so simple, actually. One of the things the economic and other problems in Detroit leads to is the problem of intentionally destroyed infrastructure. When folks, in an understandable attempt to make ends meet, do things like strip materials from electrical and water systems (e.g., taking copper pipes) it makes it hard to deliver power and water.

    Yes, I expect there is some “we won’t provide services to those who don’t pay” here. But to claim it’s all solely as “simple” as that is to ignore that it’s also difficult to deliver services to folks when the pipelines to do so no longer function.

  • Arizelle

    You can add in most animal welfare people/groups DON’T like PETA. Most animal welfare people don’t want to be associated with PETA, though in this one case I was actually shocked this wasn’t some terrible thing they were doing. It’s actually pretty cheap to eat vegan/vegetarian, though it’s not something someone might want to do. In the cases where their ideas aren’t awful- (example being like when they euthanized a lot of animals or throwing paint on people) then this just sounds like a way some families could get a check and some food. I hope that PETA would at least supply a good amount of food, we’ll have to wait and see if they do. Just to point out however that the whole animal testing thing isn’t even about the animals but actually that it isn’t doing the humans any favors either: http://www.aerzte-gegen-tierversuche.de/en/
    That site is just one example but they’ve had many examples over the years of cases where unsafe drugs were put on the market because while they were tested safe on animals, they weren’t safe for humans. (See Thalidomide as a great example of that) Or the opposite where a drug could be toxic to varying test animals, but is perfectly safe for human consumption. The vegan stuff also can have nothing to do with animals in groups that aren’t PETA but are environmental due to the fact raising animals for consumption costs a lot and is really bad for the environment. (National Geographic did a feature on it recently) Lastly there are a bunch of cultures out there that eat vegetarian/vegan, not often for the same reasons as people would do it here, but because it’s what’s available. One of the touring BodyWorlds exhibits focused on cultures that either ate vegetarian/vegan or Mediterranean style diets tended to be the healthiest. That’s not saying there aren’t unhealthy ways to eat those diets (there totally are) but the people that followed them tended to generally live the longest and be the healthiest. That being said PETA has such a bad reputation at a certain point it would be really hard for people to take them seriously. If other companies step in and offer the same thing without a diet stipulation then people I’d imagine would accept a different company/charities help.

  • Kim Michele

    a ‘militant exclusionary diet’ how about a compassionate evolutionary diet?

    and what exactly does PeTa have to do with the political activist left?

    yer funny

  • Mark Hijar

    As a Type I diabetic, I’ll make an offer to all PETA members to suck my dick. Before you say anything, know that’s a sustainable source of protein and no animals will be harmed in the preparation or delivery.

  • Virginia Faubel

    Kudos to PeTA for this one and shame on our government for not thinking of a similar program first. Animal agriculture is an environmental disaster which includes the pollution of our waterways. Offering tax incentives/credits for those who adopt a plant based diet would be a benefit for the animals, our health and the environment.

    • Jezzer

      See this? THIS is why people hate you, vegans. This smug shit right here.

      • Virginia Faubel

        What exactly is smug about suggesting the government offer incentives to people who help themselves, the environment and others?

        • Jezzer

          *eyeroll*

  • Jeff Cramer

    Go to Humane Society or ASCPA if you want help animals and stop animal cruelty. I donate money to both and through their efforts, animal cruelty is recognized as a felony in all 50 states. If you think the world would be better off if we all became vegans, then go to PETA. If you think a place that is trying to find cure for AIDS or cancer should be bombed because it tested on animals, then go to PETA. If you think your daddy will kill your cat or dog because you like fishing, go to PETA. If you believe in kill shelters(something Humane Society or ASCPA is not favor of), then go to PETA. The meat industry should really thank these guys cause they are one of the best advertisers they have out there.. Cause everytime I see them, I want to the run to nearest steakhouse or burger place. And I sure I am not the only one.

    • Badgerite

      Yes, but with respect to the particular issue raised in the post, you are against it because it is made by PETA. Not because it is a particularly heinous offer, or anything. They aren’t threatening to bomb Detroit if they don’t go Vegan.
      They aren’t offering to euthanize animals. Really, they aren’t doing anything but offering to pay some people’s water bills if they will try it for one month.
      I stopped donating to PETA long ago because of the issues you raise.
      But I can’t say that I see anything particularly wrong with this offer.
      If it were made my someone like Michael Pollen, would it still be ‘evil’?

      • Jeff Cramer

        Well, yes because it is by PETA and because PETA is behind it, it defines what that offer is. The end goal is not to pay water bills, the end goal is to go vegan. Going vegan is PETA’s primary purpose, paying someone water’s bill is just secondary stuff. If PETA just made a charity of just helping people water’s bills with no strings attached and didn’t care what people ate, I’d be OK with it and not question the motives. When the motive in the end to benefit the organization, I take Chez’s position on this.

        • Badgerite

          Fair enough. I know PETA has its flaws. And they have all been mentioned in this thread. For sure.

  • Lis Carey

    You have given PETA far too much credit. They do not want to “help” animals. They want the extinction of all domestic species, and zero contact between humans and animals.

    They really are a nihilistic death cult.

  • Andrew Adams

    Leave PETA alone!

  • Badgerite

    “Leave PETA alooooooone”!
    You know, you and Ted Nugent are on the same page with respect to PETA. Being on the same page with Ted Nugent should give anyone pause.

    • Kim Williams

      In case you’re not joking…. Start here
      http://www.nathanwinograd.com/?cat=10

      • Badgerite

        I was kidding, sort of. Thanks for the link. Always looking for better information. And I must say, I thought PETA was against killing animals period. In all situations. That was the extremism I considered them guilty of and one of the reasons it seemed to me that they generated so much antagonism. I, myself, stopped donating to them years ago because I just thought there were better organizations out there to give money to.
        But I wasn’t aware they were in favor of ‘kill shelters’. Which I am utterly opposed to.
        But if they are against fishing, hunting and factory farming, animal testing with respect to safety of household products, animal testing where other means could be employed, how can they be in favor of ‘kill shelters’. That doesn’t make sense.
        And Chez really opposes them for different reasons than that. He seems to think they focus on animals over people.
        But If they are indeed, pro ‘kill shelters’ as a solution to stray animals, then they have lost my support. Animals hunt and fish. And that will go on whether humans are involved in it or not. Fish eat fish. And do not see each other as “sea kittens”.

        I guess I will read the guys book. But if you have more information (links) I would actually appreciate the information. Thanks.

        • Kim Williams

          I could give you tons of links but most of them are on that site I linked earlier. I am a small farmer/rancher that has also done dog rescue for years. OUAT, I was super pro PETA, now I always research before donations. Smaller ‘mom n pop’ rescues are almost always far better and far more involved with your local area.
          Peta is the epitome of hypocrisy

          Googling peta horror stories or ‘truth about peta’ will disgust you.

          • Badgerite

            Yeah. Thanks. I looked at those other posted links after I left this reply. I know. I have taken that approach to donations for a while
            now. There are some really good, small rescue groups out there.
            Hope for Paws is one I give to regularly.

    • Jeff Cramer

      Its funny people mention why Ted Nugent gets some attention still. PETA is one of them. Their preaching for a vegan lifestyle and shoving it in your face is enough to make one run to Ted to get as far as away from that group.

      • Badgerite

        So, don’t eat Vegan. It’s a free country.
        But I like Michael Pollen’s prescription, myself.
        “Eat. Mostly plants. Not too much.”
        I just remember Nugent being all hopped up because PETA was against hunting. And if there is one activity in the country that is in no danger of being harmed or outlawed, it is hunting and fishing. Those are American pass times.

        • Jeff Cramer

          As I was mentioning to someone else below, the problem is not with vegans in general, the problem is lecturing someone on what to eat and telling there’s something wrong in not eating like they do. I remember a few brunches with a group of friends (and some there were vegans). Us Meat eaters got the burger, bacon, you name it. The vegans got their soy meal patties and plenty of bread. We did share what we could both enjoy together potatoes and beer. We all had a good time. None of us would have a good time if us meat eaters said to vegans, “Eat this bacon or burger, veganism isn’t even a healthy lifestyle” or the vegans lecture us about why eating meat was bad idea. If anyone in the group did that, they wouldn’t be part of the brunch. PETA is not about tolerance of vegans, its demanding everyone conform to that lifestyle.

          The Nuge is the opposite extreme of PETA not because of hunting, but in addition to that, and guns, and bashing liberals, he’s outspoken about eating meat (In fact, he’s the only person I know of that is so outspoken about eating meats) and the fact that it was killed to become meat. “I love eating dead s— on the grill” was one of his rants for example. In other words, he’s obnoxious and in your face of eating meat as much as PETA is obnoxious and in your face of being vegan. That’s why neither he nor PETA will be invited to any of those brunches I’ve had.

          All I am saying is we have different appetites on what we love to eat and we should accept that.

          • Arizelle

            You’re right- I think both groups get bad reputations due to the obnoxious people! I’m a vegan, but other members of my family eat meat. While I understand the passion behind their feelings, I think unfortunately some of the vegetarians out there yelling things out rather than (if asked) explaining your feelings of why being a vegetarian works for you, it’s a much different environment! I totally think people deserve to know the conditions of the factory farms because you wanna know what you’re eating, and then if you’re okay with it you can choose to support it. I think the problem is while most people don’t know/care about what I eat, I’ve run into a few people that have a big problem with it and get pushy and aggressive. I think on the opposite end though, the vegans those people encountered may have been pushy and aggressive with them. I think you’re right, it’s better just not to be pushy- it’s a real turnoff and harm whatever point they were trying to make. I think both Ted Nugent and PETA actually make the causes they claim to support look bad. I feel like it’s the same with political stuff, trying to have a conversation with a person who is an extremist to either side is just such a turnoff even if the person had a good idea.

  • QuadCityPat

    I tweeted this in response to Peta, I can think of no better reply: Holy fuck @PETA offered to pay Detroit water bills in exchange for veganism for 1 month. Way to ransom charity you miserable bags of fuck.

    • DeLaAnna Arrington

      Fag

      • Truth Hertz

        Says RuPaul…

  • Badgerite

    Although I know that PETA frequently goes overboard, ( it is hard to argue that people shouldn’t hunt when almost all other animals do ) I beg to differ on this point:
    1) If you are actually in the position of one of these Detroit residents who face the prospect of no water , any solution, even a short term one with conditions, is probably appreciated.
    2) I suspect anyone taking PETA up on this offer will be able to and probably will engage in some creative ‘cheating’ ( I mean, really, how is PETA going to keep track? If the Detroit resident ‘falls off the wagon’, do they have to give the water back? I doubt it.) but in the interim they may come to appreciate some alternatives, or maybe start an urban garden. and have water to do it with.
    3) How is this different then Michelle Obama’s growing a garden at the White House to encourage people to eat better for their own health? Do we really believe that they need a garden to have produce at the White House? Of course not. It is a PR campaign to raise peoples awareness about the connection of food choices to health. An example to get people thinking about the issue and alternatives.
    As you note, food choices in areas of Detroit and in many urban centers is an issue.
    One for which there might be developed better alternatives.
    4) Of all the things that Detroiters have to be concerned or worried about, condescension from PETA ( whether intended or otherwise ) is probably way down on the list.

    • Razor

      It’s different than Michelle Obama encouraging people to eat better because PETA is exploiting desperation to impose their shitty, unrealistic ideals onto the suffering. Michelle Obama is saying, “hey, we should try to eat better,” PETA is saying “heh, sucks your water got turned off, we’ll pay your bill if you do what we tell you.”

      • Badgerite

        I believe what they are saying is “We’ll pay your water bill if you try this kind of food for a bit.” PETA isn’t ‘imposing’ anything on anyone. They are offering to help.

        • Razor

          Yes, they’re offering this to 10 out of the hundreds of thousands without water… and unlike most charity, you still have to do something for them. It’s a bullshit marketing ploy that doesn’t help solve the problem at all.

          • Badgerite

            Seriously. How are they going to “impose” anything? If the family decides to eat what they want, 1) how is PETA going to know and 2) what is PETA going to do? Sue them? I think not.
            Of course, it is a marketing ploy – to raise awareness as to food issues. So what? It will help maybe a couple of families. No one is proposing this as a long term solution, I’m sure. It is for one whole month.
            As you said, it is a bullshit marketing ploy to raise awareness as to one of their issues that may have a good effect on a family or two. It is voluntary. What, exactly, is the problem? Other than that you don’t like PETA for other reasons.

        • Matrim

          No, they’re really not offering to help, they’re holding help ransom to get poor people to do what they want (in a place where it’s almost physically and certainly economically impossible). It’s disgusting, it’s unhelpful, and it’s fucking evil.

          If PETA really were interested in helping, they should’ve just offered to pay 10 families’ water bills, period. It would’ve gotten them good press and would have helped people (and probably non-human animals too) in dire need.

          • Badgerite

            You have a very low bar for ‘evil’.

          • Matrim

            No, exploiting an underclass is pretty much regarded as evil by most people with a modicum of human decency.

          • Badgerite

            I reserve the appellation of the term ‘evil’ for something more heinous then paying someone water bill if they promise to try going Vegan for a whole month.

          • Matrim

            Yes, because privileged, affluent, primarily white people who don’t care about human beings dangling the equivalent of pocket change over the heads of exploited, poor, primarily minority people in order to make them dance is totally cool. Certainly no untoward implications there.

            Seriously, the existence of evil in other circumstances does not mean that repugnant things aren’t happening right here.

          • Badgerite

            I’m sorry, I didn’t read where “dancing” was a requirement.
            I must have missed that. Trying an alternative and possibly healthier diet doesn’t sound ‘evil’ to me. I don’t believe they require cameras present to watch them eat for their viewing pleasure. But I could be wrong.

    • Jeff Cramer

      1. This is a complete change of diet. Go from meat eating not to vegetarian, but vegan. Think of times you really want to eat that sweet, but knew it would add to your tummy if you did it. If you thought that was hard, going vegan is ten times harder. Not to mention, you also have to find some other source of protein that meat comes from. Is PETA supplying people comes with protein supplements? Cause they’ll need them, it they want to go vegan for 30 days.

      2. If one can cheat after all, its not much of a challenge to begin with. Heck, if PETA can’t even keep track of who really ate vegan and who didn’t, why even bother with this challenge? Don’t you think many people will take up on this offer and not bother to go vegan, if they know PETA has no way of proving whether you met the challenge?

      3. First off, Michelle wants people to eat healthy, not go vegan. PETA’s end goal is veganism, not just eating health. There’s various ways of eating healthy. That’s why you see many people have various diets, whether it be counting calories or avoiding carbs to attain the ideal body weight. One size doesn’t fit all. In fact, if one mostly french fries, PETA would be OK with it in the end, because it falls with vegan. I don’t think Michelle would think a diet where we consume a lot of fries would be OK.

      4. Agreed.

      • Badgerite

        1) Yeah. I have never been able to do it.
        2) (a)Why bother to do it? PR for their pet cause. ( And advocating a vegan diet isn’t really evil regardless of the other stuff they do.)
        (b) Yes, I am sure people will take up the offer and not bother to go Vegan. So, they get their water bills paid.
        3) Point taken.
        4) Agreed. ( This is bad maybe only in that it is a distraction from the real issues involved in Detroit’s situation. And PETA sure ain’t gonna do anything about that. Nor would going vegan solve that.)

  • Chris H

    Thanks for the bigotry, Daily Banter. That was awful nice.

    • http://vermillionbrain.blogspot.com/ Vermillion

      Bigotry? Wow, real easy to throw that word around, huh. If you think pointing out the obvious flaws in a awfully condescending offer that in no way will actually help these families for more than a few days at best is “bigotry”, you have no idea what the word means.

      • Chris H

        PETA is far from perfect. Who knew?!

        • http://vermillionbrain.blogspot.com/ Vermillion

          Wow. Nice shift from exaggeration to understatement.

          PETA is a hypocritical organization, that, though deception, bullying, and outrageous behaviors has somehow been declared the mainstream animal welfare organization. They are condescending assholes who preach about how animals and humans should be treated. They see no conflict with declaring animals better than humans while killing them in their shelters, fouling up actually effective conservation efforts, and embarking on crusades that make their cause look stupid. Not to mention the inherent misogyny in many of their promotions using half-naked women as a draw. Yeah, the most positive thing you can say about them is that they get hot celebs to pose nude.

          They are the epitome of the know-it-all vegan stereotype, and really any vegan or animal lover that hates that view, that hates when people treat them and their beliefs so dismissively, should have PETA for promoting that idea in the mainstream as well.

          • Chris H

            I get it. Everyone gets it. PETA sucks. Who cares? Chez is only using PETA to express his disgust for vegans.

          • http://vermillionbrain.blogspot.com/ Vermillion

            Uh, no. He is expressing his disgust for PETA. The only negative thing he expresses about veganism in and of itself is that he thinks it is a luxury (which it is) and that it won’t do squat to help these people (which it won’t). And if being reminded that the ability to pick and choose what kinds of food enters your body is a luxury not available to everyone is somehow “bigotry”, then again, you don’t know what bigotry is.

            He is not saying that people shouldn’t be vegan, or to hate veganism in ad of itself. He is saying people with PETA’s mindset are what makes veganism look bad, and lead to the stereotype that vegans are shrill harpies that want to control other people’s decisions because they think they know better.

          • BumpIt McCarthy

            You don’t even slightly get it: PETA is using vegans to express its admiration for itself. It’s also using animals to fund-raise and then killing them.

            It raises skepticism and hostility towards more legit animal welfare organizations and diverts energy and money away from them.

            Instead of focusing on realizing goals that would improve the lives of millions of domestic animals, PETA has chosen to fight the permanently unachievable elimination of domestic animals altogether.

            They thus assure nothing but the future of their own idiotic PR campaigns.

            It’s tofubagging.

          • allheavens

            This article isn’t about bashing vegans, it isn’t about imagined bigotry and it’s most definitely not about you. Is someone going to fire you because you’re a vegan; deny you housing because you’re a vegan; deny you citizenship because of are a vegan, or institute systemic policies to deny you equal treatment under the law? You are propagating a falsehood because your little feelings are hurt. There are people in the world who are experiencing ACTUAL bigotry. Just grow the f#@k up.

          • Jeff Cramer

            Chez and I am sure most people on the board (including myself) aren’t against vegans. What we are against, is someone not only telling us what to eat but we are wrong and evil for not being like them. Put it this way, would a vegan appreciate someone telling them they should eat steak and how foolish they are for not eating it? I don’t think so, The same applies to the other side of the table: us meat eaters.

          • Jezzer

            Well, to be fair, a lot of vegans really suck.

          • CL Nicholson

            Not to mention the inherent misogyny in many of their promotions using half-naked women as a draw. Yeah, the most positive thing you can say about them is that they get hot celebs to pose nude.

            Let’s not forget the tone deaf racism. This also the same group of rich white narcissists who don’t see a problem with comparing a chicken farm to the Transalantic Slave Trade.

  • JozefAL

    So, Chez. What are YOU doing for the people of Detroit? Are YOU offering to pay any of their water bills out of the goodness of your heart–no strings attached?

    Easy to criticize PETA but it’s a hell of a lot harder to actually DO something meaningful.

    Oh, by the way. I don’t remember reading anything FORCING the people of Detroit to accept the offer. It’s simply something on the table.

    • http://vermillionbrain.blogspot.com/ Vermillion

      Really? I hope you are going for some sort of sarcasm or devil';s advocate thing, because you are usually not this obtuse.

      You are saying that because Chez doesn’t have the resources to help one person in Detroit, let alone 10 families, he can’t express criticism about how PETA is doing it. Does this mean that, since you don’t have a website like the Banter, we shouldn’t listen to you criticize Chez? Or better yet, since PETA is only offering support for 10 families, why should we listen to them or be impressed.

      This offer is only about one thing: getting PETA attention. They do not really care about these families, because if they did, they wouldn’t have made such a joke of an offer. Seriously, if these people could afford to eat vegan for a month (remember, most of these folks live in urban areas intentionally targeted by fast food companies and hardly have the luxury of fresh food, let alone food with no animal products whatsoever) they could already have their water bills paid. Eating vegan, hell eating healthy period is not cheap. That is a major reason why people don’t bother to do so.

      These people DON’T HAVE WATER. WATER. Something that even the most strident vegan will acknowledge is pretty damn essential. This is like watching somebody choking and offering the a straw to breathe through, but only if they promise to only breathe mountain fresh air through it. I mean, why would they not like that? Mountain air is cleaner and better for you right? They don’t have to take it; it is “simply something on the table”. They can just keep on choking until they die or somebody less of an asshole decides to actually do something productive.

      This “gesture” is insulting and meaningless in every conceivable way.

  • condew

    I’ve never understood what PETA thinks will happen to animals if they have no economic value as draft animals or food. They seem to think they will continue to be fed and will spend their days care-free in some pasture. In fact, those that are alive would be slaughtered, and no young ones would be bred. If PETA got their way, it would in fact be a holocaust for domestic animals; unable to earn their place by work or products, they would not continue to exist.

    PETA was in DC a few years ago trying to outlaw the horse-drawn carriages used to offer tours to the tourists. They felt it was unkind to the animals to endure bad weather, oblivious to the fact that the carriage driver endured all the same conditions. I was glad when DC voters sent them packing by rejecting their ballot initiative.

    • Aaron Litz

      Unkind for the horses to endure bad weather?

      Seriously?

      What the fuck do they think the horses would do if they were living in the wild? Go into their houses to get out of the rain?!

      Maybe they think animals live in cute little huts?

      This just adds to my belief that these people have the mentality and understanding of nature of 7 year old girls, and honestly believe that real animals live like My Little Pony.

    • Matrim

      The stupid thing is that those cart-pulling horses are horribly mistreated, but PETA fucks up the approach and alienates people who might otherwise be sympathetic. PETA is the worst thing to happen to animal rights I can recall.

    • Kim Michele

      umm…it is currently a holocaust for animals. if we all stop eating them we would also stop forcibly masturbating and inseminating them and thus end the vicious cycle of manipulating their reproduction.

      and if you think carriage drivers deal with the same shit as the horses you are seriously living in a land of denial.

      • Jezzer

        A “holocaust” for animals? Are you high?

  • condew

    I’ve never understood what PETA thinks will happen to animals if they have no economic value as draft animals or food. They seem to think they will continue to be fed and will spend their days care-free in some pasture. In fact, those that are alive would be slaughtered, and no young ones would be bred. If PETA got their way, it would in fact be a holocaust for domestic animals; unable to earn their place by work or products, they would not continue to exist.

    PETA was in DC a few years ago trying to outlaw the horse-drawn carriages used to offer tours to the tourists. They felt it was unkind to the animals to endure bad weather, oblivious to the fact that the carriage driver endured all the same conditions. I was glad when DC voters sent them packing by rejecting their ballot initiative.

  • fry1laurie

    British comedian David Mitchell had a great line about vegetarians in a sketch from “That Mitchell and Webb Look.”: “It’s an ethical thing. I don’t think humans should be treated like this.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63NNuG-6-hQ

  • Victor_the_Crab

    This could be a Daily Show field piece where Jessica Williams or Jordan Klepper could go out and interview a high ranking member of PETA about their plans for Detroit with the soul purpose of making them look bad, which PETA can naturally do on their own.

  • BumpIt McCarthy

    PETA should be listed as a personality disorder in the DSM, and I am someone who believes we all could improve our health by eating far less meat, and that the fur trade is generally monstrous.

    The leadership of PETA, though, is so everything Chez has said that I’ve wondered if they don’t actually go home and chow down on REAL kittens while texting their fur industry overlords on their brilliant, um, minkfucking success.

    They have done a few good things by going undercover at puppy mills, but the people who do the valuable work are really being betrayed by their dilettante-ish, attention whore organization.

  • Truth Hertz

    Penn & Teller do a lovely exposé on PETA for their show “Bullshit!” Check it out if you have a moment. Probably NSFW.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9ijLulwUTY

  • feloniousgrammar

    By the way, Chez— “Let them eat vegan.” is perfect.

    • Truth Hertz

      I eat vegans for breakfast.

      • KWDragon

        They do taste better.

        • Truth Hertz

          Weird how eating only vegetation makes one more delicious, isn’t it?

  • http://dadorq.tumblr.com/ Da Dorq

    Frankly, I’m offended by Patton Oswalt’s complete and utter silence on this matter.

  • D_C_Wilson

    “The smallest form of life, even an ant or a clam, is equal to a human being.”

    But what about carrots and celery? Are they not a form of life? If an ant is equal to a human being why shouldn’t a tomato? I demand you cease your murderous genocide against our vegetable cousins!

    • feloniousgrammar

      I’ve known many a sentient shrub.

      • AJ Slemmer

        We had one such as a president recently, if memory serves. Well…he passed for sentient.

        • dukesirius

          Let’s not insult sentience by degrading it with comparisons to Republicans.

    • Aaron Litz

      This just goes to show how much of an idiot she is. She apparently doesn’t realize that any multicellular organism kills thousands of single celled organisms a minutes just by existing. She is causing the deaths of millions of creatures every year she continues living just by breathing, walking, and having an immune system.

      Life cannot exist without destroying other life. This is a matter of basic physics. Why doesn’t PETA just start campaigning for an end to entropy, too?

      And I also always get hung up on vegans’ vegetophilic ideals. Why are plants less worthy of existence than animals? The philosophy of PETA is as shallow as Objectivism. Working to stop needless cruelty to animals is one thing, and quite a worthy goal.

      Reel Big Fish put it wonderfully:

      “She’s not eatin’ bacon

      Not eatin’ sausage

      And she won’t eat eggs
      Not eatin’ chicken
      Not eatin’ turkey
      She won’t have a steak

      But I just can’t help feelin’ sorry

      For this poor little lettuce head

      You know, I can’t stop cryin’
      Cause I know this broccoli’s dead”

      • Jeff Cramer

        PETA is ignorant of science, like the religious right. As someone said, its tofubagging and has much reality to science like teabagging. BTW, if plants had a nervous system and reacted like any being with a nervous system when it is becoming dinner, does that mean we shouldn’t eat it? I recently read an article that said that plants know what they are eaten. If that is the case, does that mean we should stop eating plants?

        • http://thegloomyhistorian.blogspot.com/ The Gloomy Historian

          There was a headline once in Mad magazine “scientists discover that vegetables scream at very high frequencies when pierced, PETA reduced to eating their own body hair.”

          • Aaron Litz

            HA!

            “Gravestones have been known to move, and trees to speak, to bring guilty men to justice.”

    • EarlyMedievalSerf

      Jainists in India only eat the seeds and grains of living thing, and not the living things themselves. Nice try.

      • D_C_Wilson

        Seeds and grains are the offspring of the plant world. Eating a seed is no different from eating a baby!

        • Aaron Litz

          HA! :)

      • Aaron Litz

        Seeds aren’t living things?

        Abiogenesis!

  • HOTDOGTSUNAMI

    God damn Chez, this article was on fucking point. Described my feelings for PETA perfectly. They encompass the horseshoe theory with such accuracy it’s downright scary. I understand animal rights and can sympathize to an extent, but PETA brings it to such levels that it’s batshit insane ( I’ll probably get a letter from them expressing their disgust that I’m using animal excrement as a negative adjective, I’m not sorry PETA fuck you.)

  • Boarczar Zila

    They’re not even really that nice to animals, either.

    • feloniousgrammar

      I read somewhere that they practiced euthanasia on lab animals, but don’t know it it’s true, and don’t care enough to look it up.

      • Jezzer

        PETA shelters are notorious for their euthanasia numbers.

        • Kim Michele

          umm…PeTa doesn’t really run animal shelters. they do provide euthanasia services for people who cannot afford to take their pet to the vet. which is why pts numbers skew high.

          • Jezzer

            PETA is also notorious for being comprised of fucking idiots and crazy people. What does that do to their numbers?

      • http://vermillionbrain.blogspot.com/ Vermillion

        They are actually more needle-happy than supposedly “barbaric” county shelters. And ofttimes they would rather kill shelter animals than try to offer them up for adoption. Part of ti is their mentality that the animals are better off dead than owned by anybody, but part of it is that they open their big mouths and tell people they can handle these animals, and then subsequently get over their heads.

        The ASPCA is a much better organization, and not just because of Sarah McLaughlin.

        • Jeff Cramer

          Yes, ASPCA and the Humane Society are the places to go to and where to donate your money to. They are the real animal rights activists, not PETA.

          • Kim Michele

            ASPCA is more animal welfare for companion animals, not really animal ‘rights’

            also ASPCA pays their top management huge salaries, PeTa…not so much.

      • Kim Williams
        • Kim Michele

          petakillsanimals is run by the CCF…hardly a reliable source.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Center_for_Consumer_Freedom

          • Kim Williams

            I linked to that site in particular due to the abundance of outside links & factual data.

            As to your other comment ” how about a compassionate evolutionary diet?” Due to serous health issues a vegan/vegetarian only diet would most likely kill me. We raise almost everything we eat. We give our animals an amazing life as a thank you for what they provide for us.

            Is it your belief that I should free my animals & take a chance with the vegan diet in spite of my health? Where’s your compassion?

            Humans are omnivores. Militant vegans like peta are without a doubt far far left politically & quite active. What would you consider them to be if calling them that makes Chez “funny?”

  • feloniousgrammar

    I’m proud of my speciocentric outlook and will always be partial to humans because I have this thing about being loyal to my species, which is, I think, a product of evolution and a sign of mental health. Wait—

    It’s the doorbell! My tamale steamer is here! I know how to make cheese and corn filled tamales, but need to look up a recipe for beef tamales for my sidekick. Gotta dash!

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    • Kim Michele

      well, you’re ‘partial’ to humans b/c you are one.

      animal ‘products’ are wasteful, environmentally damaging and cruel.

      • Jezzer

        I hope you hydrated properly with cruelty-free water after shedding so many dramatic tears in the comment section.

  • CL Nicholson

    Chez – you and I differ on our views on religion and I happen to be vegan and a pet owner With that said, PETA are the ultimate white privileged, left wing ass hats that set back progressives. We agree on this much – substitute “veganism” for “Christianity” and these jackasses sound like every Catholic missionary who ever step foot onto indigenous soul. Which is ironic, since most PETA people I know are hardcore anti-religious types.

    Now, if PETA were willing to start a food co-op or community gardens, I’d give them some slack. But..well, they’re not, because those trust fund tree huggers are so tone deaf to the need of actual humans, its little wonder they didn’t just set up a giant drinking fountain for stray cats only.

    • Gunnut2600

      Its just the continuation of cultural imperialism by rich white people on people of color. You want to learn about a culture, eat what they eat, see what they see, and listen to what they talk about.

      You want to obliterate a culture, wait for an opportunity to exploit human misery to white them out. Fuck PETA!

      (side note, I used to live in Virginia Beach so naturally I hate PETA with a vengeance. For the life of me I do not understand how they haven’t gotten chased out of town other then the fact they throw money around)

    • bsaunders

      Except they want stray cats killed, also.

      • Jeff Cramer

        Which is just more reason to hate PETA

  • feloniousgrammar

    The situation is so bad and so systemic that even the United Nations is calling the problem a human rights emergency.

    Yes. This and the child refugee crisis indicates that the richest country in the world has some serious problems with assholes. It’s so shameful.

  • jimshannon

    So what’s your plan to help those without water in Detroit?j Shouldn’t we be concerned with people dying of thirst more than your perhaps justifiable animus toward PETA?

    • ak1287

      Most people are more than capable of thinking about two different topics. Just because Chef doesn’t mention his ideas about helping Detroit citizens get water doesn’t mean it isn’t an issue that he thinks about, or that he can’t talk about something so idiotic that is tangentially related.

    • feloniousgrammar

      Whose plan? It’s not an individual problem and it’s not going to be remedied by and individual solution.

    • Jezzer

      Is there anything more smug and condescending than attempting to reframe someone’s rant to make them seem uncaring about another issue?

      • feloniousgrammar

        Thinking he won.

    • Socialist Cubone

      “How dare you attack someone for rubbing salt in the wounds. What about the guy who caused the wounds, huh huh? Checkmate Obamabots.”

    • Aaron Litz

      You’re absolutely right; Chez is clearly completely unconcerned with the plight of the poor people of Detroit. HOW DARE HE?!

      OUTRAGE!

    • Matrim

      Easy, public control over utilities. That will ensure supply and prevent price hiking.