March 28th, 2015
What If… Fox News Covered The Marvel Universe?
What if our friends at Fox News were tasked to cover the fictional Marvel Universe? What would that look like? I am the Watcher, and I am asking: WHAT IF… FOX NEWS COVERED THE MARVEL UNIVERSE?
THE OREILLY FACTOR: “You let these mutants — muties, really, marry normal Americans and that’s the end of it. The end! I don’t want that dopey Cyclops marrying MY daughter, what if his laser eyes go off during Christmas dinner? Then I’m dead, dead from his mutant eyes. DOPEY.”
FOX & FRIENDS: “So, have you heard this? President Obama… literally palling around with *the* Black Panther. Publicly, openly. Has the racial element just gone too far, and is Wakanda even a real place? Fair and balanced debate, coming up.”
FOX NEWS ALERT: “Intelligence sources tell Fox News that President Obama would not allow Captain America to respond to a recent HYDRA attack on a SHIELD base. White House spokesman Jay Carney claims that Cap was 75 million light years away preventing Thanos from getting the Infinity Gauntlet, but our next guest questions whether this so-called ‘Infinity War’ actually happened.”
UP NEXT ON OUTNUMBERED: “Former Police Detective Mark Furhman tells us why we can no longer tolerate outlaws like Spider-Man. And does all that red on his costume mean he’s a Communist? Probably.”
“This ‘Thor’ claims to be the ‘god’ of thunder, but everyone knows there’s only ONE real God.”
“When I worked with George W, we never opened diplomatic relations with Asgard.”
“Just like liberals to believe in a God who’s from Norway.”
“Whatever you said. What do you think, Bob?”
YOUR WORLD: “Red Skull says liberals are making him out to be some sort of Nazi. Not so. He just wants lower taxes. He’s a maker, not a taker.”
KELLY FILE: “Obama to deploy Avengers as PC Police? A right wing blogger tells us that Obama has a secret plan to use the Avengers as his personal politically correct gestapo. Instead of fighting against the armies of AIM, the Avengers will be acting as Michelle Obama’s personal police!”
HANNITY: “We know for a fact that Hillary is secretly a mutant. She has that power like Professor X, which is why her polling is so high — mind control! Also, I’m pretty sure she has an adamantium skeleton.”
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March 28th, 2015