Well, I don't know how to break this to you, but Barack Obama is still president.
As you no doubt were aware of and had prepared for by picking up some illegal fireworks and buying every last six-pack of Keystone Light from the local Wal-Mart, the government of these here United States was supposed to be taken back by the people today.
The unlawfully installed Kenyan usurper and his henchmen in Washington were going to be overwhelmed by the irresistible might of Operation American Spring, which was guaranteed to be at least ten million strong (with numbers possibly reaching 30 million). The goal: nothing less than a transition of government, with Damn Obama stepping down so that he could be tried for crimes against the Constitution, praise Jesus.
Unfortunately, the batteries in those Hoverounds are only good for about six hours, tops, so best guess is that most of those who wanted to attend are, right now, stranded on the shoulder of the I-40 just outside Cookesville, Tennessee. The final number of old white people who did manage to make it to DC and showed up at the Capitol Mall to strike fear into the heart of Obama?
At best count, a little more than a hundred.
"It’s a very dismal turnout," lamented 61 year old Jackie Milton of Jacksboro, Texas.
On the plus side, everyone was done in time to hit the early bird at the local Cracker Barrel.
Here now, a look at the revolution that time forgot.