CNN’s Coverage of Justin Bieber Is Why the Network Sucks

As you no doubt know by now because it’s getting the kind of national coverage that was once traditionally reserved for political assassinations, Justin Bieber was busted last night in Miami Beach on DUI and street racing charges. If you’re reading this, there’s a pretty good chance you don’t give a shit, nor should you. But CNN does. CNN gives many, many shits.

Not only has the network spent the entire morning going full-tilt on the Bieber story, it’s going to air what appears to be an hour-long special report tomorrow night at 10PM titled “Bieber’s Troubles.” Let me say that again: a special report on Justin Bieber. At 10PM on a Friday night, when, presumably, all of Bieber’s fans are normally tuned into CNN.

Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 9.52.23 AM

If you’re not following the fake Twitter account of The Newsroom‘s Will McAvoy, you should be. It’s actually manned by an anonymous 28-year-old writer who’s gotten pretty good at mimicking the voice of the fictional News Night anchor. If McAvoy really were on Twitter, he’d be righteously railing against CNN doing something as stupid as devoting much of its news hole to the problems of a rich little douchebag nobody above the age of 14 actually cares about. And so the phony McAvoy account is now doing just that.

Here’s the “McAvoy” Twitter feed from the last half-hour. The person he’s addressing is a CNN news editor:

Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 9.25.52 AM

Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 9.25.32 AM

You know, when Jeff Zucker — the man who single-handedly took NBC from #1 to #5 — was named president of CNN Worldwide a little over a year ago, he said his goal was to “broaden the definition of what news is.” Congratulations, Jeff — mission accomplished. And congratulations, Bieber — you’re CNN’s new poop cruise.

Like Us On Facebook!

More on the Banter:

The Best Of the Banter: Banter Begins, Bush's Gaffes, Kim Jong-un's Death, and Lots More

The Best Of the Banter: Banter Begins, Bush's Gaffes, Kim Jong-un's Death, and Lots More

We bring you the week that was in the world of Banter.[Read more...]
President Obama Talks About Racism And That Time He Was Mistaken For A Waiter

President Obama Talks About Racism And That Time He Was Mistaken For A Waiter

The President and First Lady open up to People magazine about their own experiences with racism. Peo[Read more...]
Another Republican Is Talking About 'Legitimate Rape' and I Have a Question

Another Republican Is Talking About 'Legitimate Rape' and I Have a Question

Republican State Representative Rick Brattin is introducing a bill in his home state of Missouri tha[Read more...]
The Sony Hacker Terrorists Did Not 'Win'

The Sony Hacker Terrorists Did Not 'Win'

Sony's cancellation of the premiere of The Interview has prompted a bipartisan consensus that the st[Read more...]
North Korea Gets Another Movie Pulled, So Let's Just Send All Scripts To Kim Jong-un First

North Korea Gets Another Movie Pulled, So Let's Just Send All Scripts To Kim Jong-un First

After Hollywood's total capitulation, the next step is to send all scripts to North Korea for approv[Read more...]
  • maximillio

    This is why I’ve not had cable TV in 5 years, and I’ve been resisting having it for almost 20. This is why I have not wasted money on a newspaper for almost 20 years. This is why I ask people to turn that garbage off in waiting rooms.
    The traditional news media are almost all useless and a waste of time. Despite my lack of any regular brand-named news source, I’m almost never confused as to what is going on, and I find often people who still stay in the media galaxy seem superficial. Their conversations are about . . . blah. Crap. I don’t care.
    News is generic these days. It honestly is not going to be a business much longer, because the only thing that newspapers USED to have that the rest of us didn’t was a printing press. Now everyone has a printing press, and it is no longer the case that we need to wait for some wealthy benefactor to “host” our public discourse in his paper.
    And good thing, too, because it looks like almost all of these news organizations have an agenda that is irrelevant and meaningless to us Americans, and I could give a shit what that agenda is.

  • Richard_thunderbay

    I think the descent of cable news into pee-pee-ca-ca started in earnest with the OJ Simpson murder trial story. There’s direct line between the current Beiber story and CNN giving hours of live coverage to the “slow speed” chase, with OJ running away from police in his White Bronco 20 years ago. After that, we had Jon Benet Ramsey, which started the “missing white girl/woman” trend. Months of daily updates, despite the fact there was nothing new to report on the story.

  • Badgerite

    This is why net neutrality matters. I don’t want these _________ intentionally thwarting my access to what I find interesting as opposed to what some 14 year old is obsessed about. ‘Gate Keepers’ indeed.

  • aynwrong

    Years ago at my old job I walked through the door and the first thing someone inside asked me was “Hey’ you’re a Bieber fan aren’t you?” This was probably 4 maybe 5 years ago. I didn’t really know who he was and I honestly wasn’t sure what he was asking me so I said “what?!?” Bieber he said over and over again. And when I finally realized he was actually saying the word Bieber all I could think to ask him was “WHAT THE FUCK IS A BIEBER?!?!?!?”
    I’m proud of that moment.

    • David L.

      It’s ‘beaver’ in German. Sounds like a colleague with slight boundaries issues, though.

  • David L.

    Can’t wait for Jon Stewart to tear them to shreds.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    It’ll be interesting to see what the ratings bring in for CNN with this whole “Biebergate” scandal. My guess is they will be huge for the network.

    And, if so, Jeff Zucker will smile like the sociopath he is and not give a fuck about flushing any credibilty CNN has left down the toilet.

    Jon Stewart needs to tear some network holes out of this.

    • CL Nicholson

      The problem is that CNN wants to be the Daily Show so badly that folks have to turn to the daily show for news.

    • maximillio

      Oh, I don’t think CNN has much cred left to lose.

  • Reilly

    No doubt this is a hideous, socially incorrect thing to write but every time I see a picture of him I can’t help but wonder; is Justin Bieber actually a young lesbian?

  • http://www.osborneink.com OsborneInk

    BREAKING: police finish search of Bieber’s car, announce they have failed to find any talent

  • CL Nicholson

    19 Year Old Pop star pulls dumb teenager stunt is a national news story? Walter Cronkite is going full rotisserie in his coffin right now.

  • Norbrook

    This is why I now tend to first look to Al Jazeera or the BBC for news. CNN used to be the place, way back in the day, when you’d be able to see actual content and news, but these days, along with the others, is mostly the stuff I used to get by watching “Entertainment Tonight.”

    • feloniousgrammar

      They made their name with the first Gulf War, as embedded journalists whose coverage resembled Air Force Now films. I wasn’t impressed. It’s like they were trying to sell every American precision missiles.

      • maximillio

        There’s nothing I find more sickening than war porn, and that’s all CNN was then and they’re no better now.

      • Norbrook

        Actually, they had the name before then. They did a lot of “actual news,” and in-depth reporting, particularly from places most American networks didn’t go to. One of the reasons they had the reporting they did during the first Gulf War was because they had teams in Baghdad to interview Saddam Hussein, when the bombs started falling.

        To me the day they started revving up for shark jumps was the OJ Simpson chase and trial.