The Morning Banter: The Most Terrifying War on Christmas Ad Ever, "Blurred Lines" Sucks, and We're Not at the Top of the Food Chain, Sharkeisha Is

It's back to the maze with you, lab rats. Time to chase the cheese again in the endless, ultimately fruitless struggle we call life. Here's some reading material to distract you from the grind.
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It's back to the maze with you, lab rats. Time to chase the cheese again in the endless, ultimately fruitless struggle we call life. Here's some reading material to distract you from the grind.
Screen Shot 2013-12-08 at 7.53.53 PM

It's back to the maze with you, lab rats. Time to chase the cheese again in the endless, ultimately fruitless struggle we call life. Here's some reading material to distract you from the grind.

Eat Me

Think we're at the top of the food chain? Think again. And no, that's not the tagline for a monster movie.

NPR: Between Pigs And Anchovies: Where Humans Rank On The Food Chain

2. That's a 20 Footer... 25... Three Tons on Her

Sharkeisha.

Sharkeisha.

You should see how insane my auto-correct is going right now trying to make that into something coherent. On the plus side, SyFy has its next movie.

CNN: "Sharkeisha" Violent Beating Goes Viral

The Huffington Post: Sharkeisha Fight Video Victim ShaMichael Manuel Speaks Out

3. Princess Cut

I never know how I feel about things like this. On the one hand, it's truly commendable to teach your little girl to aspire to be something other than simply a princess at a young age. The spell of the Disney princess in pop culture is one that deserves to be broken. On the other hand, there isn't a little girl on earth who actually comes to a decision on her own to make a statement by getting dressed up as Susan B. Anthony or Helen Keller. And taking pictures of your kid dressed as important women in history then circulating them online feels like an act aimed far more at satisfying your own narcissism than than at teaching a little girl that there's more to life than the princess trope.

Upworthy: See The 5 Kick-Ass Women This Mom Dressed Her Daughter As Instead Of A Disney Princess

4. The Song Remains Inane

"'Blurred Lines' is the worst song of this or any other year. I can't remember the last time there was a hit song this ghastly – the sound of Adam Sandler taking a falsetto hate-whizz on Marvin Gaye's grave... It's not just another terrible song. Its historic badness is an achievement that demands respect."

Rolling Stone: 'Blurred Lines': The Worst Song of This or Any Other Year

5. The Nightmare Before Christmas

If you figured the paranoid insanity over the so-called War on Christmas had reached the height of self-parody long ago, oh, how wrong you were. Just watch this ad -- which claims to be from the St. Mary’s Parish of Barnegat, New Jersey but could easily be for The Exorcist IV -- and enjoy the night terrors you'll be having for the next week or so.

Have a good one, kids.