Sarah Palin’s Thoughts on the Pope Will Make You Want To Punch Her Words in the Throat

Some people have Google Alerts set up to keep them informed whenever certain topics they care about turn up in the news. I have whatever the opposite of that is — Google MakeItStop, I guess — in place to make sure I never have to hear the name “Sarah Palin” unless I’m determined to go looking for it. Keeps me from being inundated with endless frontier gibberish from America’s premier political entertainment cancer.

It’s probably because of that that I missed this gem yesterday:

“He’s had some statements that to me sound kind of liberal, has taken me aback, has kind of surprised me.”

That’s Palin in an interview with Jake Tapper expressing Very Serious Concern over the recent behavior of the pope. You know, Pope Francis, the guy who’s supposedly the holiest man on the planet. Palin is worried that he’s just becoming too liberal. As if the pope is A) in any way beholden to ugly and unsanctified conceits like politics and to taking sides in America’s stupid left-right standoff, and B) willing to give one single shit about what Sarah Palin thinks he might be doing wrong.

Seriously, this woman is a fucking idiot.

Listen, dumb-ass, I realize it’s rocking that pea-sized nugget underneath your giant bouffant ‘do that Pope Francis is behaving in a way that’s actually good, as opposed to just spouting platitudes and warnings about the need for everybody to submit to conventionalism or be damned. I get that you and your rotten ilk have hijacked the good name of Jesus and drafted him as your own personal right-wing cheerleader for so long that you forgot what Jesus really stood for. I know you’re flummoxed to the point of apoplexy by images of the pope embracing the sick and the poor, reaching out to gay people, and turning his back on hate and division — that which you thrive on — but consider this your fucking wake up call: everything he’s doing is what’s truly holy and Christ-like. You don’t like his supposedly “liberal” statements? Too fucking bad, because those statements are what being a good person is all about. You call it liberalism. He calls it being Christian.

I call it being human. I don’t even agree with the man’s belief system one iota and I still respect the things he’s done and the stances he’s taken so far since becoming pope. He’s leading by example. And best of all, if you really do recognize him as a vessel of God on this planet, his notion of what’s right and wrong carries a hell of a lot more weight than Sarah fucking Palin’s.

Update (11.14.13 2:30PM ET): Palin is now “clarifying” her position — and of course mostly blames the media for the misunderstanding.

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  • Greenmeenie

    I’m an atheist, but even I know WWJD….he’d do EXACTLY what the Pope is calling for. I love how the idea that Jesus would be anti capitalism makes Republican’s heads explode. Just like their heads explode when you tell them their idol of capitalism Ayn Rand was a rabid atheist. It’s because the Republicans just like saying things over and over again until people think its true. But when you confront them with facts, they want to retreat into their fox bubble.

  • Steven Skelton

    You like to punch women? i would love to read Bob’s column about a Republicanwho wanted to punch a Democrat woman in the face.

    I completely agree with you about the pope though. He is as Christ like a pope as there’s been in my lifetime.

    I’m not Catholic. But I like him.

    • feloniousgrammar

      Look closer. He said, “want to punch her words in the throat”.

    • Chez Pazienza

      Seriously, Skelton, is there anything I can possibly do to make you stop reading me? At this point I’m willing to send a check to your home every month.

      • Steven Skelton

        I guess you could write boring shit I don’t like to read.

      • Steven Skelton

        If you’re serious, we can work a deal. I don’t need any money, but if you make a donation to the Snohomish County Food Bank, I’ll go away for a while. It’s pretty lean there. Pretty much down to squash, squash and more squash.

        Be a guy and express your hate for me with the gift of food for those who need it. You’ll feel like a million, and you won’t have to deal with me.

        Just a few bucks and everyone is a winner.

  • Christopher Foxx

    I don’t need to hear her thoughts on the Pope to want to punch her in the throat. Wanting to punch her in the throat is pretty much the default position.

    • feloniousgrammar

      He said, “want to punch her words in the throat”.

      • Christopher Foxx

        So he did. I still like my default better.

  • Gunnut2600

    As a Catholic who has lived in numerous Southern and rural states, the majority of Evangelicals do not view us as Christian. The major divide between sola fide and faith/work based theology is pretty distinct. As bad as the Catholic Church has been over the years, its never been close to the excesses of prosperity theology so popular in the US right wing.

    Its not surprising she has an issue with this pope or any other pope…they are typically viewed as the Antichrist among these folks.

    • CL Nicholson

      Gunnut as a Methodist who is married to a Catholic and having been a part of Campus Crusade for Christ as a student (loong story) , I can attest to the kind of ignorance that persists among Evangelicals about Catholicism. Most of those hicks and snake charmers probably don’t realize that most of the divides are political and not spiritual.

      And I can also attest that Catholics tend to care about the poor and downtrodden a lot more than Evangelicals en masse and don’t make the big hoopla about any preacher (outside of maybe a cardinal or a pope). By its very nature, you’re not going to get an army of money grubbing pulpit performers like T.D. Jakes or Pat Robertson becoming catholic priests.

    • KarenJ

      Gunnut2600 — Now that you mention the Antichrist, I’m beginning to believe Sarah Palin herself is the Antichrist. She’s a female Loki, the embodiment of the aboriginal Raven or Coyote. She bristles with hate and anger, and is SO quick to attach herself to themes or issues that are traditionally respected as if she’s The Great Protector.

      Rather, her attachment to these issues provides yet another opportunity for media attention (yes, the very media she hates on), interviews, pressing the flesh, and a kernel of reality hidden in yet another self-absorbed ghost-written waste of precious trees. Oh, yeah, and another opportunity to parade her grifting family* on another PAC-paid-for vacation/shopping trip.

      *Unemployed personal advisor Todd, and grifter-in-training daughter Willow on this current book tour.

      • Janis Garvey Hewes

        I have felt she..Palin Cheney and Rove are all of the Satanic Group that are creating this Religious warfare

    • CR46

      Evangelicals can never get over the FACT that their cults are all based on the Catholic church.

      • Gunnut2600

        There are huge distinction though. For example, the Catholic Church has officially supported the concept of evolution since 1969. Not a lot of people realize that nor admit how forward thinking that was as even secular groups in the US did not support official Evolution that early. The world’s oldest observatory in use is run by the Church and the Big Bang Theory was developed by two Catholic priests.

        To be clear, lay Catholics can be just as ignorant about their faith system as everyone else. And there are many things I dislike about the Catholic Church (their historic treatment of women and minorities for example).

        The thing I really dislike is how Bill Donahue, who only represents himself, is given a platform in the US as the voice of American Catholics. He is an idiot in every form of the term.

  • CL Nicholson

    Sarah Palin’s complaining about a religious man caring for the sick and poor? Sarah Palin’s complaint is that, as Chez put, the World’s Holiest Man and THE representative of Christ on Earth is acting like, well, a meek holy man who wants to model himself after Jesus? More proof that Sarah Palin has never actually read the Bible, or any other book, that didn’t involve crayons or coupon clipping.

    Why is this woman relevant? I’ve yet to hear anything come out of her mouth that made any sense. Oh, that’s right, she’s relevant because right wing idiots love to fantasy about the hot soccer mom spouting chauvinist gibberish. Sarah Palin is the ultimate Fox News trophy wife fantasy, a slightly above average looking woman who will go along with whatever demeaning antiquated views some ignorant man puts in her head. If she looked less like one the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and more like Roseanne Barr, no one would care what this trailer trash says.

    Oh, Caribou Barbie may not like the fact that Jesuits order that Pope Francis is apart are very pro-education and pro-science Catholics (most Catholic universities were founded by Jesuits). From my days at Fordham University in New York, you’d would gotten laughed out of class talking about Creationism even in the seminary. So don’t expect Pope Francis to talk about Moses using a pterodactyl as a hang glider anytime soon. Now that fry the 6 cells that make up Sarah Palin’s brain.

  • 624LC .

    You are way behind me, Chez. I wanted to punch her in the throat first time she took the stage at the Republican convention.

    • feloniousgrammar

      He said, “want to punch her words in the throat”.

      • 624LC .

        Ok…I wanted to punch the words out of her mouth. Better?

  • GeeOPee

    That’s right Sister Sarah, feeding the poor, healing the sick was Jesus’s liberal agenda.

  • Arcnor

    The problem right-wingnut types appear to have (well, one of many, many, many problems they have…) is that they confuse symbols they’ve re-purposed for their own ends with the actual articles. I know my mother (who is deeply religious and yet managed to raise a godless heathen like me, a fact which to her credit actually amuses her) is utterly horrified when she hears someone like Princess Dumbass of the Northwoods (h/t Mr. Charles Pierce) refer to herself as “Christian.” They’re not, as my mom insists, not really — they’ve merely appropriated the symbols and some of the less-savoury bits of rhetoric and wrapped them around a philosophy of total self-absorption and fanatical greed. The people who designed this malignant social movement knew that presenting their product honestly would drive people away, so they just covered the whole business in crucifixes, bible quotes and American (and Confederate) flags and hoped no one would notice the underlying contradictions. And they certainly haven’t been disappointed on that score, which is why one gets to witness the spectacle of people like former half-Governor Caribou Barbie criticizing anyone who tries to follow some of the actual bits in the bible that are worthwhile (take care of the poor, judge not lest ye be judged, etc.) as being “too liberal.” They’ve confused marketing for reality. Yes, I know, I’m shocked too.

  • kfreed

    P.S. Please post this on her Facebook page:) Or print it and send it via snail mail.

    • That River Gal

      YES!!

    • KarenJ

      If Chez or anyone else posts the article on her Facebook page, it’ll stay there for max 10 minutes, until the ghostwriter/moderator deletes it — and until then non-moderator sock puppets will spew hate on the “intruder”.

      There isn’t a single critical comment on her Facebook page because someone sweeps the site regularly and bans anyone who isn’t completely awed and complimentary.

      • kfreed

        So I hear. It was just such a beautiful thing that Chez wrote – even for 10 minutes of exposure – worth it:) Heh.

  • Jerry Spiegelman

    We can thank John McCain for imposing this bimbo on us. They don’t come much more offensive or stupid.

    • KarenJ

      Well, her followers/fans come a close second.

    • Janis Garvey Hewes

      why couldn’t it just been a one night stand McCain….

  • trgahan

    It wasn’t too long ago that to our 1900’s Plains revival Protestant-based version of Conservatism thought Catholics were as shiftless, evil, and a threat to the American way as any Muslim, minority male, immigrant, or gay person is today. Catholicism (for all its faults) has continually frustrated conservative political operatives because they can’t get it to produce the reliable voting block that they did with Protestantism.

    Hell, every election some conservative pundit posits: Latinos are Catholic: Catholic are “pro-life”: Conservative are “pro-life”(when convenient); therefore Latinos should all vote conservative or face the “wrath” of their Pope, right? They just don’t know how to handle a faith that hasn’t become 100% bent two the political platform of a given party and many in that grumpy hatefilled base still tow that anti-catholic line that was open dogma up to the 1960’s

  • kfreed

    Sarah Palin isn’t enamored with Pope Francis because he advocates keeping religion out of politics and getting back to the business of ministering to (caring for as opposed to blabbing at) the poor.

    In light of the following, I’d say that’s a terrific idea:

    These Catholics are more to Palin’s liking: “Guess Who Requested Government Shutdown? [Right-Wing] U.S. Catholic Bishops!” for Jesus:
    http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/guess-who-requested-government-shutdo

    Associated Press video: Raw Video: Palin Saved From ‘Witchcraft’
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIOD5X68lIs

    Sarah Palin’s creepy Dominionist church: “Sarah Palin’s Seven Mountains” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xges7mFi6iY

    “Ted Cruz and Rand Paul blessed by Dominionist pastors” (Government Shutdown Edition; Glenn Beck’s “Black Robe Regiment” Pulpit Electioneering; Ted Cruz preaching and hacked out Dominionist dad preaching)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7q3fyBC4HFo

    Tea Party Koch-funded legislators (ALEC members) produce video claiming that Congress cannot solve the nation’s problems, what is needed is “the supernatural hand of God”:
    http://vachristian.org/Current-Events/Virginia-Call-to-Prayer-Day-has-Been-Declared-April-6-2011.html

    Need more? I’ve got plenty more examples. The Tea Party is thick with these morons.

  • Beth Kulick

    Pope Francis makes me wonder if my grandmother was right when she told me “you were born Catholic and you’ll die Catholic” after I announced I was leaving the church at 14. I kind of love the guy. Wasn’t it Colbert who boldly stated that if Jesus were alive today, he’d be a liberal? Ironic.

    • Gunnut2600

      You know that Colbert teaches CCD back home every week. Why the heck isn’t he the person the media gets to talk about Catholic issues rather than that Bill Donahue jackass.

  • Vipsanius

    And, McCain selected her to be the VP nominee.

  • Aaron Litz

    I just love how everything modern Right Wing American Christianity teaches stands in exact opposition to everything that Jesus actually said. If you’ve ever heard the Bad Religion song “American Jesus” that’s what it’s about. The American gun-loving, rich

    Conservapedia (the Conservative version of Wikipedia for Home-Schoolers… no, seriously, it was created by a Home-Schooling textbook writer for use by Home-Schooling students so they don’t have to be exposed to the horrble infidel Liberal propaganda of Wikipedia) has started the Conservative Bible project, with the goal of stripping out all the Liberal propaganda that was obviously planted in the Bible down through the ages. You know, like the part where Jesus said “it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven.” Obvious Liberal propaganda, right there. If you’re ever in the mood for a good laugh (or ever want to raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels) check it out.

    I haven’t identified as Christian since I was about 16, and never as a Catholic, but Pope Francis makes me feel good and believe that the new Pope is someone with an actual heart who really understands what Jesus was trying to teach people.

    A few days ago my brother and I were wondering how long it will be before he gets assassinated as a result.

    • dbtheonly

      “Conservapedia”? Aaron, if you’re not pulling out leg, this goes to show how even definitions of reality are going out the window. Gone are the days of correcting Wiki to have John Quincy Adams as a “Founding Father”. Now, just make up your own.

      Lord Willing, the Pope won’t be assassinated at all. There are lots of religious nuts out there; but you’ve got to expect that his security is fairly tight. Also guns aren’t nearly as accessible around the rest of the world.

      Sarah’s surprised the Pope isn’t a conservative in her mold. Says more about her.

      • http://half-track.blogspot.com/ iarnuocon

        You’ve honestly never heard of Conservapedia, last bastion of creationists, right wing trolls, and other such idiots? Good on ya! But if you’re ever interested in getting a glimpse of the worm-infested morass of sheep-dung that passes for the mind of the low-information voter, go have a look around that sight. Pick any topic; you won’t have to go far to find levels of dumbth that would have given Steve Allen an apoplectic stroke.

        As an example, just review the sheer number of conspiracy theories they continue to push in their entry on Obama– Birtherism, stolen elections, teleprompterism, Socialism, his “Islamic” roots… I think one of my favorite passages is their criticism that although he was only one of three black students in his high school, he “couldn’t make the starting lineup of the state champion basketball team his senior year.” Nope, no idiotic, thinly-veiled racism there!

        So it comes as no surprise to anyone that Sarah Palin, the far right’s beauty pageant hostitute of all that is frontier-originalist-you-betcha-just-us-folksiness would find the Pope a tad “liberal”. That’s because the Pope isn’t a member of the true religion as taught by Supply-Side Jesus.

        And, yes, since reality has a liberal bias, Palin and her ilk have decided to create their own reality via epistemic closure– everything is judged true based on the degree to which it is the opposite of anything a liberal might believe: the earth is 6000 years old, we’ve never been to the moon, the country is riddled with welfare queens, immigrants are costing us jobs, blah blah blah blah blah.

        Calling them idiots does a disservice to idiots while simultaneously missing the mark. It’s not that they’re stupid. It’s that they’re utterly deranged.

        • kfreed

          “Supply-side Jesus”… LOL. Yep, that’s the guy: Republican Jesus.

        • Eric The Midget

          And how does reality have a liberal bias?

          • http://half-track.blogspot.com/ iarnuocon

            The question should be, rather, how DOESN’T it? Pick a topic:
            Trickle down economics– refuted by history
            True free-market capitalism– refuted by history
            Tax cuts as a cure-all for any economic woe– refuted by history
            Abstinence-only sex ed– refuted by statistics
            Isolationist immigration policy– foiled by economics
            Anti-women medical proclamations– rebutted by medical science
            Anti-evolution education demands– opposed by science
            In a majority of commonly held conservative positions, those positions are refuted by an examination of facts. Since the liberal counter-position so often lines up with those facts against conservative ideology, it’s natural to assume that reality has a liberal bias.

            Of course, one could also accurately view the statement as an observation of the underlying conservative mindset driving conservative creation of parallel institutions– think tanks, news services, information sources (conservapedia), “scientific” organizations (the Discovery Institute), et cetera, et cetera. From that perspective, reality need have no bias, at all (and likely doesn’t). Rather, the phrase references conservative pique that their ideas get rather less traction than those of liberals.

            Which should be fairly obvious to anyone reading the paragraph in which the phrase appears, but apparently wasn’t. Sorry about the sarchasm.

      • kfreed

        Yes, Conservapedia is a thing. “Wiki encyclopaedia with articles written from a Christian fundamentalist viewpoint”

        The right’s answer to Wikipedia. They have their own language and invented factoids.

        Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservapedia

        • dbtheonly

          Okay Guys, Do you need a “selfie” of me with a “they’re NOT kidding” look of stunned surprise?

          • kfreed

            LOL. If you’d like to post one:)

    • Arcnor

      I do hope the new pope (not to be confused with New Coke, I think) didn’t cut his own living expenses so much that he can’t afford a food taster — I have a feeling the more conservative cardinals are having quiet discussions about the relative merits of arsenic versus strychnine right about now.

      And if Jesus really is warming up in the wings, he might want to wait a bit — Palin et al. would call him a commie Nazi liberal the first time he tried talking about feeding the poor and nail his ass to a tree again.

      • CR46

        Pope Francis has a very loyal group around him, I do have an Irish cousin that works in the Vatican libraries tell me that, he is safe.

    • dave.mcnichols@yahoo.com

      you sound like the idiot…you know nothing about Christ

  • That River Gal

    Oh wow, that was fun to read!

  • txvoodoo

    I know a lot of RWers who are Catholic, and have defended Sister Sarah in the past. It’ll be interesting to see how they reconcile this spew of hers now.