Dolphin Masturbates With Dead Fish In Extremely Disturbing Video (NSFW)

This isn’t news. This isn’t newsworthy. This isn’t even entertainment. This is fish porn.
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This isn’t news. This isn’t newsworthy. This isn’t even entertainment. This is fish porn.
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Sometimes, when describing The Daily Banter to curious friends, families, and strangers, I like to say, “It’s what the Huffington Post used to be and wishes it still was,” because I’m snarky/an asshole like that.

And while I mean that more as a compliment to ourselves, as I still read the Huffington Post everyday, it is frustrating to see what was once one of my favorite news outlets grate itself down to a more “lowest common denominator” baseline for what qualifies as newsworthy (and this is coming from me…).

But the other day, as I perused the site, I came across a post entitled “Dolphin Masturbates With Dead Fish in Rather Horrifying Video (NSFW),” and I just snapped.

This isn’t news. This isn’t newsworthy. This isn’t even entertainment.

This is fish porn.

A dolphin, the only other mammal to have sex for pleasure besides the bonobo, is performing a sex act on himself on film. And did they even try to frame it as some sort of interesting biological discovery about the masturbatory habits of dolphins? No.

They said, "This dolphin's lover is a real cold fish.”

And while that pun deserves a tip of the cap, it doesn’t deserve a space on a website that used to be the one place I could go to know I was getting well-informed, trustworthy news and opinions.

But do you want to know the absolute worst part of it all? The part that really infuriates me?

I totally clicked that link to read a story about a dolphin masturbating with a dead fish. And so did you.

Journalism is dead.