11 Quotes That Will Make You Want to Physically Strangle Gwyneth Paltrow

These 11 quotes are guaranteed to make you want to strangle the European dinner party loving, Vegenaise eating Gwyneth Paltrow. Or at the very least want to throw tinned cheese at her.
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These 11 quotes are guaranteed to make you want to strangle the European dinner party loving, Vegenaise eating Gwyneth Paltrow. Or at the very least want to throw tinned cheese at her.
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Paltrow: Bringing annoying to a new level

Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty easy to hate on. She's rich, famous, and spends the majority of her time telling everyone about her latest fitness regime/eating habits/penchant for European dinner parties. Gwyneth has written cook books that if followed precisely, would work out to about $200-300 a day  - or the entire weekly salary of a minimum wage worker in America. Amazingly, Gwyneth is completely oblivious to the fact that she sounds like a pretentious brat and reels off quote after quote of insufferable obnoxiousness every time a microphone is put in front of her. And some of them truly are breathtaking. Check out the following 11 quotes from the woman who called her daughter 'Apple' that will make you want to physically strangle her:

1. Gwyneth on the superiority of European dinner parties:

“We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art and literature—all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, ‘Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you’re wearing?’ and I thought, I can’t stay here. I have to get back to Europe.”

2. Gwyneth on annoying Parisian concierges trying to earn a living:

“When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’

3. Gwyneth on Vegenaise toast:

"But really it's the holy trinity of Vegenaise, avocado and salt that makes this like a favorite pair of jeans."

4. Gwyneth on her 'out of control' family fetish for Vegenaise:

"We basically can't live without Vegenaise—it's a little out of control."

5. Gwyneth on her environmentally conscious use of air miles:

"I once overnighted a batch from London to my manager in Los Angeles who was doing the clean program and was dying for a cookie! They did not disappoint."

6. Gwyneth on tinned cheese:

“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin,”

7. Gwyneth on reminding everyone she's not poor:

“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”

8. Gwyneth on the art of hot dog eating without hot dog eating:

"I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun... except hot dogs" 

9. Gwyneth on making time to workout even if you don't have 3 nannies: 

"Every woman can make time [to work out] -- every woman -- and you can do it with your baby in the room. There have been countless times where I've worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work."

10. Gwyneth on annoying British accents:

"Apple says 'Mummy' instead of 'Mommy' -- I don't mind that. I will if she starts saying 'basil' and 'pasta' the English way, as that really drives me nuts."

11. Gwyneth on her love of fancy named vegetables:

"When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."