In last week's column, I wrote about Kanye West declaring himself the “nucleus” of Western culture. This week my attention turns to another icon of our times, Paris Hilton. You know, the blonde one who says things like 'Wal-"Mart... do they like make walls there?" and "What’s a soup kitchen?". [N.B These are not made up quotes]
Paris is famous for being an ‘It’ Girl. This means she gets invited to a lot of parties and says ‘that’s hot’ a lot. Lucky for her (and the viewers) she also got her own tv show with showbiz pal Nicole Ritchie (daughter of Lionel) where they went to stay with unsuspecting people and proved week after week that wealth has nothing to do with paying attention to a good education.
Paris is in the news this week as she has made a cameo in Sofia Coppola’s new film, The Bling Ring. The film, based on true story, follows a group of teenagers as they break in to celebrities’ homes and steal jewelry and the like. Unlucky Paris was the victim of this group. Five times. To be honest, it doesn’t sound like she really helped herself when it emerged that she left her spare key underneath her front door mat. After the first break-in and finding her spare key ‘missing’ she simply replaced it. There followed another break-in. One assumes by her reckoning the two incidents were not connected.
Excitingly, Paris is in the film and happily she has given a few interviews revealing what it was like to be the victim of the group desperate to get their hands on her stuff.
Firstly, Paris explains that it was the fault of Twitter for letting her tell her followers where she was, but now she has now an “extensive security system” in her house, which I assume means she no longer leaves her spare key under a rock by her front door.
“This could not have happened 5, 10 years ago. There wasn’t Twitter or Facebook or any of those things, so nowadays people know exactly where you are, so I’ve been more careful with that, and also putting the most extensive security system in my house, so this cannot happen again.”
Paris then reveals:
“I think it’s absolutely disgusting what they did, when I was watching the movie I was just so horrified and disgusted by what they did to me. It was just so wrong, so it was very upsetting.”
[Does she realize she was watching a movie, not CCTV footage from her house?]
And, helpfully Paris has some wise words of advice for those pesky thieves whilst reclining on her bed, in her mansion surrounded by cushions with her face on them. All they need to do is follow her example of working hard.
“There’s so much more to life than all of these possessions and everything. And if you want those things, you’re going to have to work yourself, just like I did.”
And finally, Paris reveals she’s the sort of person who holds a grudge. And people who say literally all the time make me suspicious.
“I’m not a confrontational person. But I would literally be like, ‘You guys need serious help. And I want my stuff back.’”
And I’ll end with this lasting reminder:
"When I was a kid I had no idea I lived in a mansion. Then I went to a friend's house and I was like - 'Oh.'"
Paris, thank you.